The Memoirs of Mr. Charles J. YellowplushThackeray, William Makepeace
General
The Memoirs of Mr. Charles J. Yellowplush
Thackeray, William Makepeace
Didactic fiction; England -- Fiction; Household employees -- Fiction; Humorous stories; Master and servant -- Fiction
I was struck all of a heap--the truth flasht on my mind's hi.
“Toinette,” says I, for that was the gal's name--“Toinette,” says
I, giving her a kiss, “keep them for two minits, as you valyou my
affeckshn;” and then I gave her another kiss, and ran up stares to our
chambers. Master had now pretty well recovered of his wound, and was
aloud to drive abowt: it was lucky for him that he had the strength to
move. “Sir, sir,” says I, “the bailiffs are after you, and you must run
for your life.”
“Bailiff?” says he: “nonsense! I don't, thank heaven, owe a shilling to
any man.”
“Stuff, sir,” says I, forgetting my respeck; “don't you owe money in
England? I tell you the bailiffs are here, and will be on you in a
moment.”
As I spoke, cling cling, ling ling, goes the bell of the antyshamber,
and there they were sure enough!
What was to be done? Quick as litening, I throws off my livry coat,
claps my goold lace hat on master's head, and makes him put on my livry.
Then I wraps myself up in his dressing-gown, and lolling down on the
sofa, bids him open the dor.
There they were--the bailiff--two jondarms with him--Toinette, and an
old waiter. When Toinette sees master, she smiles, and says: “Dis donc,
Charles! ou est donc ton maitre? Chez lui, n'est-ce pas? C'est le jeune
a monsieur,” says she, curtsying to the bailiff.
The old waiter was just a-going to blurt out, “Mais ce n'est pas!” when
Toinette stops him, and says, “Laissez donc passer ces messieurs, vieux
bete;” and in they walk, the 2 jon d'arms taking their post in the hall.
Master throws open the salong doar very gravely, and touching MY hat
says, “Have you any orders about the cab, sir?”
“Why, no, Chawls,” says I; “I shan't drive out to-day.”
The old bailiff grinned, for he understood English (having had plenty
of English customers), and says in French, as master goes out, “I think,
sir, you had better let your servant get a coach, for I am under the
painful necessity of arresting you, au nom de la loi, for the sum of
ninety-eight thousand seven hundred francs, owed by you to the Sieur
Jacques Francois Lebrun, of Paris;” and he pulls out a number of bills,
with master's acceptances on them sure enough.
“Take a chair, sir,” says I; and down he sits; and I began to chaff him,
as well as I could, about the weather, my illness, my sad axdent, having
lost one of my hands, which was stuck into my busum, and so on.
At last, after a minnit or two, I could contane no longer, and bust out
in a horse laff.
The old fellow turned quite pail, and began to suspect somethink.
“Hola!” says he; “gendarmes! a moi! a moi! Je suis floue, vole,” which
means, in English, that he was reglar sold.
The jondarmes jumped into the room, and so did Toinette and the
waiter. Grasefly rising from my arm-chare, I took my hand from my
dressing-gownd, and, flinging it open, stuck up on the chair one of the
neatest legs ever seen.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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