“_Oh, pour cela, ce n’est rien--ce n’est rien!_ All in the way of your profession. Did you ever kill a priest?” “No!--I--a--a--don’t think I ever _killed_ one.” “Very well--very well! Did you ever assault a nun?” “O never,--no necessity! Always found the nuns very agreeable women.” “You never robbed a church, Colonel?” “We melted down the golden candlesticks, and removed a few of the pictures; but this was by our General’s orders.” “You did not rob anybody?” “Never--except the Spaniards and Portuguese.--O--yes, we did a little amongst the Prussians.” “Ah! that was, as I said before, merely in the way of your profession. Very good--very good, Colonel, I think that will do. Now I will give you absolution, and your certificate of purity.” The Colonel received the paper, and was about to depart, when the Priest informed him that there was something more to be done:--A small fee was necessary. The Colonel cheerfully put his hand in his pocket, and presented the clergyman with two Napoleons, one of which his reverence returned, observing that he was amply remunerated for his trouble by the other. “Yet,” said he, “there is something more to be done: you must have a mass celebrated, to complete the marriage and render it legal.” “_Parbleu!_ mass!” exclaimed the Colonel, “what is the use of mass to me?” He was again told that it was necessary, and he agreed to have it performed; “But,” said he, “what is the expense?” “You can have it done in a superior manner--full high-mass--for two hundred francs.” “_Ah, mon Dieu!_ two hundred francs! what!--for a mass?” “Yes; but, Colonel, you can have it done so low as ten francs.” “Can I?” said the Colonel, “and is the ten franc-mass equally good in point of law, with that for two hundred?” “Yes, Colonel; but not so respectable.” “_Sacre!_ never mind the respectability of the matter; I’l have ten francs worth of mass--that will do for me.” The marriage was accordingly celebrated next day in due form, the Colonel having purchased the confessor’s certificate and ten francs worth of mass; and he solemnly declared, on the day after his wedding, that he could not have felt more happy, even if he had purchased the highest priced mass in France.[11] A LITTLE CONSEQUENCE; OR, A SMALL DIFFERENCE IN RIGHT TO QUARTERS. My consequence--my consequence--my consequence! MUNDEN’s _Sir Anthony Absolute_