The 'Mind the Paint' Girl: A Comedy in Four ActsPinero, Arthur Wing
General
The 'Mind the Paint' Girl: A Comedy in Four Acts
Pinero, Arthur Wing
Comedy plays; English drama
Since a quarter-to-four-- under the portico at the corner.
LILY.
[_Contemptuously._] _You_----!
JEYES.
Yes, but, by God, I wasn't quite prepared for _this_!
LILY.
This!
JEYES.
[_Cramming his cap into his overcoat-pocket and coming to FARNCOMBE._]
What the hell's your game? You've got some accommodating friends, both
of you, in that blackguard Roper and that slut Jimmie Birch!
LILY.
Oh--! [_Approaching JEYES with clenched fists._] Ah, you cur----!
FARNCOMBE.
[_Holding up his hand to her appealingly._] Miss Parradell----!
LILY.
[_To JEYES._] You cur! Mother's been told that Lord Farncombe's with
me. I sent Jimmie up to tell her.
JEYES.
Where _is_ your mother?
LILY.
In bed, of course.
JEYES.
Snoring! Ha, ha, ha! Faugh, there's an ugly name, my girl, for such
mothers as yours!
LILY.
Ah--! [_Raising her fist._] Ah-h-h-h----!
FARNCOMBE.
Miss Parradell----!
LILY.
[_Restraining herself with difficulty and pacing the room._] Oh, the
cur! The cur! The cur!
FARNCOMBE.
[_To JEYES, looking at him steadily._] Captain Jeyes----
LILY.
The low cur!
FARNCOMBE.
Captain Jeyes, do you happen to know where I lodge?
JEYES.
No; I don't know where your sty is.
FARNCOMBE.
St. James's Place-- forty-seven. I shall be in at twelve o'clock.
[_Picking up his hat and overcoat._] From the tone this gentleman
adopts, Miss Parradell, I assume that he considers himself entitled to
concern himself in your affairs. [_Moving over to the left where LILY
joins him._] Perhaps it will make it easier for you if I----
LILY.
[_Clutching his arm._] Ah, I'm so indignant, Eddie! I-- I-- I----!
JEYES.
Eddie! _Eddie!_
LILY.
[_Turning upon JEYES in a fury._] Yes, you cad-- Eddie, _Eddie_,
EDDIE! You cad! You sneak! You idler! You waster! I've stood it long
enough. This is the last straw! I've done with you! I'm sick to death
of you! How I've tolerated you all these years is a mystery to me!
After this, get out of my sight and never show yourself to me again!
JEYES.
[_Grasping her wrist, fiercely._] Lily----!
LILY.
[_Wrenching herself free._] _What!_ [_Losing control over herself
utterly._] You'll spy on me, will you, you shabby loafer! You'll peep
at me while I'm eating my supper, and count the dances I choose to
give that boy over there, will you! And then you'll break into my
house, and insult my friends behind their backs, and insinuate foul
things against my poor old mother-- you damned coward!-- and against
me, [_pointing to FARNCOMBE_] and _him_! Why, you're not fit to black
his boots, and you never were-- never-- you-- you-- you scum! Here!
[_Taking FARNCOMBE'S note from her bosom and thrusting it at JEYES._]
Read that! [_Sitting in the arm-chair by the centre table._] Read it!
Read it! Read it! [_JEYES reads to himself._] Out loud!
JEYES.
[_Mumbling._] "Dear Miss Parradell. Will you allow me----?"
LILY.
Louder!
JEYES.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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