The 'Mind the Paint' Girl: A Comedy in Four ActsPinero, Arthur Wing
General
The 'Mind the Paint' Girl: A Comedy in Four Acts
Pinero, Arthur Wing
Comedy plays; English drama
"Will you allow me to remain behind for a few minutes with Miss Jimmie
after the others have gone? I know I am presuming a lot, but I cannot
leave you till I have asked you the most important question a man can
put to a woman. Farncombe."
LILY.
[_Breathless._] Written here-- on my note-paper-- while I was out of
the room! It came on me like a thunder-clap! Ah! Ah! Ah! [_JEYES sits
upon the settee, staring at the carpet._] And Morrie Cooling and Lal
will tell you that I hadn't a notion that Lord Farncombe was to be at
the supper last night, or any of the boys; not a notion.
I blackguarded 'em both for deceiving me, and causing me to deceive
_you_. [_Taking the scent-atomizer from the table and spraying her
face with it._] Now! What have you to say now! Ah! Ah! Ah!
JEYES.
[_Huskily._] Why-- why the devil did you let Jimmie go? Why did you
let her go? It was knowing that you and Farncombe were alone that--
that made me----
LILY.
Oh, if I'd suspected that a private detective was hovering around, I'd
have kept the whole lot of my friends! As it was, Jimmie was looking
dead, and--! [_in disdain._] Pah!
[_There is a pause and then JEYES sits upright and draws his hand
wearily across his eyes._
JEYES.
[_To LILY._] Well, I-- I beg your pardon. [_LILY continues to spray
herself energetically._] I'm not so completely _scum_ as not to see
that I ought to beg your pardon. [_Humbly._] I beg your pardon.
LILY.
[_Softening by degrees._] You-- you drive me mad sometimes--
positively frantic!
JEYES.
[_Partly to himself._] Mad! [_To FARNCOMBE._] And you, Farncombe--
I hope you'll accept my apologies. I offer them unreservedly.
[_FARNCOMBE bows, somewhat stiffly._
LILY.
[_To JEYES, protruding her lower lip._] I-- I didn't mean half I said,
Nicko; I didn't mean half of it. [_Eyeing FARNCOMBE askance as she
replaces the atomizer._] And I-- I'm ashamed of myself for losing my
self-control as I did. [_There is another pause and then JEYES gets to
his feet and silently returns the note to LILY. She looks up at him
piteously and puts the note back into her bosom. Then he takes out his
key-ring, removes the latch key from it, and throws the key on to the
table. Having done this, he drags his cap from his pocket and makes
for the door on the left. As he passes LILY, she rises and gently
plucks at his sleeve._] Nicko-- Nicko----
JEYES.
[_In a thick voice._] Eh?
LILY.
Won't you-- won't you give Lord Farncombe-- some explanation----?
JEYES.
Explanation----?
LILY.
Of the sort of terms we've been on, you and I, He-- he must be--
rather puzzled-- [_turning away to the table._] Oh, it's due to you as
well as to me!
JEYES.
[_Dully._] Just as you please. [_With a hard laugh._] Ho, ho! Yes,
perhaps it _is_ due to me that he should learn a little more about me
than he's been able to gather from personal observation-- and from
your eloquent but summary description. [_Under his breath, screwing up
his cap._] Idler-- waster-- loafer----!
LILY.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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