Perhaps there was a forlorn satisfaction in that, after all. But when
Isabel crept to bed, a few hours later, without any visit from the
minister, without any communication from Lochhead, her heart was far
from light. She wept in the dark when she laid herself down in her own
little bed. It had been a dream, that was all; and now she had come
back, and was no longer of consequence to anyone--a Miss Diarmid,
companion of Miss Catherine, and favourite of society no longer; but
only the Captain’s Isabel, too lowly for the lairds, too high for the
peasants. Visions came across her mind of the scenes she had lately
taken a part in, of the smiles that had been bestowed upon her, of the
interest with which her simple words had been listened to; and now no
smiles, no flattering tribute of admiring looks, were to be hers. Miss
Catherine had put her back decisively into her own place; and the
minister--even the minister! Yes, he was very good to her; he had given
her books and pictures to amuse her, as if she had been a solitary
child. It was the last little mark, no doubt, of the interest in her
which she had attributed to another feeling. But why should Mr. Lothian
care for her? Why should Miss Catherine care for her? They had been very
kind to her, which is quite a different matter. They had cured her of
her illness, and done a great deal to improve her; and now they had put
her back softly, but firmly, at once into her own place. No doubt it was
best, Isabel thought, turning her face to the wall, that she should know
at once how it was to be; but yet it was a strange downfall--and very
hard to bear.
She did not go to church on the following Sunday, pleading her fatigue;
and with an unexpressed hope that Miss Catherine would have sent to take
her along with herself; but Miss Catherine took no notice. She made the
proper inquiries of Jean, and was sorry to hear Isabel was tired; but
that was all. Mortification, anger, and disappointed affection surged up
all together in poor Isabel’s mind. One of those forlorn days, with her
veil over her face, she made her way, by the most unfrequented paths she
could think of, to her sister’s grave. It was in a corner of the
churchyard, out of the way of passers-by; and Isabel threw herself down
by it and clasped her arms round the white stone in all the abandonment
of her immediate pain, though that pain was not primarily called forth
by the loss of Margaret. After she had wept out all her tears, she still
retained her position, her soft arms wound about the stone, clinging to
it as she might have clung to her sister, her head leaning against it,
her dilated, tear-worn eyes gazing sadly into the air at their full
strain, though she saw nothing.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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