What the two old people thought in the pause that followed, it is not
for us to expound. Surely the world had changed somehow since ‘my day,’
was colder, less real, less true--and life was growing more and more
into such stuff as dreams are made of. But that perhaps was because to
both of them--old unwedded, inexperienced souls, the half of life had
never been any more than a dream.
‘You must not think ill of Isabel,’ said Miss Catherine, after a pause.
‘Until this hope came to her, she was heart-broken enough, poor bairn!
and now she is all for the baby. Had the father been living and well,
she would have forgotten his existence in the presence of that child.’
‘And that’s why I ask,’ said the Dominie, with bitterness: ‘Have women
no hearts?’
‘Some of us,’ said Miss Catherine; and they walked on together along the
head of the Loch without exchanging another word.
But it was not the past which occupied Isabel, as she sat, in the
firelight, with her baby on her knee. It was chiefly a soft respite from
all pains and cares, the sense of ease, and weakness, and repose in the
present. And whether it was feminine insensibility, as the Dominie
thought, or absorption in her new treasure, or the want of any real love
towards her dead husband, certain it is that no longing for him or for
anyone was in her mind. What she had was enough for, and filled her up.
To find herself, a shipwrecked creature, tossed from one woe to another,
finding calm but to lose it again--disappointed, sorrowful, and
bereaved--to have suddenly floated once more into this safe, sure haven,
so warm and still and satisfying and full of hope, was such a wonder and
blessing as silenced all other thoughts. But for the child, what a
desert her life would have been! And with the child, was it not a rich
garden, to be filled with flowers and fruits and everything that makes
existence lovely? Such were her musings, as she sat by the fire, a soft,
weak, helpless woman, tired if she went two or three times across the
little room, but, nevertheless, fearless to confront life and all it
could do to her, no longer languid or discouraged now that she had, not
only herself to care for, but her child.
‘My bonnie woman!’ said Jean, coming in, ‘you mustna sit there and
think. Ye’ve been real brave, and kept up your heart wonderful; but you
mustna think, for her sake as well as your ain.’
‘I am not thinking,’ said Isabel, softly, and for the moment there
sprung up in her a certain wonder at her own insensibility. Was she
really insensible, unfeeling? She was not moved as they expected her to
be. Things that she was encouraged to be brave for, as ‘a trial,’ proved
no trial to her. Was it that her heart had sunk into coldness? And yet
was it not full of love that ran over and filled every crevice of her
being, for the baby on her knee?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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