A flush of shame rushed over Isabel’s cheeks. At that moment, when he
professed for her a constant love which had known no interruption, what
could she say of her own marriage; how could she even think of it? Was
it not treachery, almost vice? The colour came up like flame over her
face. She felt their positions changed at once, and she herself put to
the bar.
‘I was alone in the world,’ she said, ‘and I had not heard of you--not a
word, for a whole year.’
Now, indeed, he got her hand into his, and triumphed over all her
pretence at indifference. She had begun to excuse herself, almost to beg
his pardon. ‘We will speak of it no more,’ he said; ‘now my Isabel is
mine again we’ll think of it no more.’
‘Oh! hush, hush, I never said that,’ she cried, evading his caress. But
he was close by her as in the old days; his voice, so much softened, in
her ears--that voice which had first woke echoes in her girl’s heart;
his hand holding hers, and her heart melting, yearning to her first
love. How could she resist not him only, but herself? She had no heart
to say him nay. After this sudden renewal what would become of her if
life settled down again in its grey colours, and he disappeared out of
it once more for ever? A month ago that subdued life, with her child in
it for sunshine, had been very sweet--but now?
And yet, in the very happiness that thus stole over her, there was a
grasp and constriction in her throat, as of guilt and pain. She was
doing something for which she could never have anything but blame from
herself or from others--for which she could not defend herself. Her
reason seemed to stand by disapproving, regretful, while the poor heart
of her made the plunge. The one was no help to the other. Her unity of
being was all torn asunder and made an end of. She did not think this in
so many words, but was vaguely, dimly conscious of it, as the happiness
stole flooding through her, penetrating every nook and corner. ‘Oh,
Horace! do you not feel as if it should not be?’ she said, with one last
effort to resist.
‘I feel that it ought to be,’ he said, drawing her close to him. ‘If you
wish me to have a hope in the world,--if you would not see me perish;
not for your sake, Isabel, that are innocent, but for my sake----’
‘Are you not innocent?’ she said, gazing at him with wonder and alarm in
her great, tear-dilated eyes.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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