“Into what an abyss of misery have you plunged me! Raymond, you force
me to become as criminal as yourself. I had resolved never to see you
more; if possible, to forget you; If not, only to remember you with
hate. A Being for whom I already feel a Mother’s tenderness, solicits
me to pardon my Seducer, and apply to his love for the means of
preservation. Raymond, your child lives in my bosom. I tremble at the
vengeance of the Prioress; I tremble much for myself, yet more for the
innocent Creature whose existence depends upon mine. Both of us are
lost, should my situation be discovered. Advise me then what steps to
take, but seek not to see me. The Gardener, who undertakes to deliver
this, is dismissed, and we have nothing to hope from that quarter: The
Man engaged in his place is of incorruptible fidelity. The best means
of conveying to me your answer, is by concealing it under the great
Statue of St. Francis, which stands in the Capuchin Cathedral. Thither
I go every Thursday to confession, and shall easily have an opportunity
of securing your letter. I hear that you are now absent from Madrid;
Need I entreat you to write the very moment of your return? I will not
think it. Ah! Raymond! Mine is a cruel situation! Deceived by my
nearest Relations, compelled to embrace a profession the duties of
which I am ill-calculated to perform, conscious of the sanctity of
those duties, and seduced into violating them by One whom I least
suspected of perfidy, I am now obliged by circumstances to chuse
between death and perjury. Woman’s timidity, and maternal affection,
permit me not to balance in the choice. I feel all the guilt into which
I plunge myself, when I yield to the plan which you before proposed to
me. My poor Father’s death which has taken place since we met, has
removed one obstacle. He sleeps in his grave, and I no longer dread his
anger. But from the anger of God, Oh! Raymond! who shall shield me? Who
can protect me against my conscience, against myself? I dare not dwell
upon these thoughts; They will drive me mad. I have taken my
resolution: Procure a dispensation from my vows; I am ready to fly with
you. Write to me, my Husband! Tell me, that absence has not abated your
love, tell me that you will rescue from death your unborn Child, and
its unhappy Mother. I live in all the agonies of terror: Every eye
which is fixed upon me seems to read my secret and my shame. And you
are the cause of those agonies! Oh! When my heart first loved you, how
little did it suspect you of making it feel such pangs!
“AGNES.”
Having perused the letter, Lorenzo restored it in silence. The Marquis
replaced it in the Cabinet, and then proceeded.)
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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