“He assured me that He had long entertained for me the most ardent
regard; But that Friendship for my deceased Lover had obliged him to
stifle his desires. He endeavoured to reconcile me to my fate, and for
some time treated me with respect and gentleness: At length finding
that my aversion rather increased than diminished, He obtained those
favours by violence, which I persisted to refuse him. No resource
remained for me but to bear my sorrows with patience; I was conscious
that I deserved them but too well. Flight was forbidden: My Children
were in the power of Baptiste, and He had sworn that if I attempted to
escape, their lives should pay for it. I had had too many opportunities
of witnessing the barbarity of his nature to doubt his fulfilling his
oath to the very letter. Sad experience had convinced me of the horrors
of my situation: My first Lover had carefully concealed them from me;
Baptiste rather rejoiced in opening my eyes to the cruelties of his
profession, and strove to familiarise me with blood and slaughter.
“My nature was licentious and warm, but not cruel: My conduct had been
imprudent, but my heart was not unprincipled. Judge then what I must
have felt at being a continual witness of crimes the most horrible and
revolting! Judge how I must have grieved at being united to a Man who
received the unsuspecting Guest with an air of openness and
hospitality, at the very moment that He meditated his destruction.
Chagrin and discontent preyed upon my constitution: The few charms
bestowed on me by nature withered away, and the dejection of my
countenance denoted the sufferings of my heart. I was tempted a
thousand times to put an end to my existence; But the remembrance of my
Children held my hand. I trembled to leave my dear Boys in my Tyrant’s
power, and trembled yet more for their virtue than their lives. The
Second was still too young to benefit by my instructions; But in the
heart of my Eldest I laboured unceasingly to plant those principles,
which might enable him to avoid the crimes of his Parents. He listened
to me with docility, or rather with eagerness. Even at his early age,
He showed that He was not calculated for the society of Villains; and
the only comfort which I enjoyed among my sorrows, was to witness the
dawning virtues of my Theodore.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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