She made no answer, being absorbed by thoughts of the past, in her
fever of happiness, living over again the hours she had passed there
with her husband. Was this not the bygone lunch continuing with the
cake, eaten on the same table, amid the same sounds? She became more
and more excited, recollections flowed fast upon her. Never had she
experienced such a burning necessity to tell her sweetheart everything,
to deliver herself up to him completely. She felt, as it were, the
physical desire to do so. It seemed to her that she would belong to
him more absolutely were she to make her confession in his ear. Past
events came vividly to her mind. Her husband was there. She turned her
head, imagining she had just seen his short, hirsute hand pass over
her shoulder to grasp the knife.
"Hullo! the candle is going out," said Jacques.
She shrugged her shoulders, as if to say she did not care. Then,
stifling a laugh, she whispered:
"I've been good, eh?"
"Oh! yes!" he answered. "No one has heard us. We've been exactly like
two little mice."
They said no more. The room was in darkness. Barely could the pale
squares of glass be distinguished at the two windows; but on the
ceiling appeared a ray from the stove, forming a round crimson spot.
Both gazed at it with wide open eyes. The music had ceased. There came
a slamming of doors; and then all the house fell into the peacefulness
of heavy slumber. The train from Caen, arriving below, shook the
turn-tables with dull shocks that barely reached them, so far did they
seem away.
And now, Séverine again felt the desire to make her confession. She
had been tormented by this feeling for weeks. The round spot on the
ceiling increased in size, appearing to spread out like a spurt of
blood. She had a fit of hallucination by looking at it. The objects
round the bedstead took voices, relating the story aloud. She felt the
words rising to her lips in the nervous wave passing through her frame.
How delightful it would be to have nothing hidden, to confide in him
entirely!
"You know, darling----" she began.
Jacques, who had also been steadily watching the red spot, understood
what she was about to say. He had observed her increasing uneasiness in
regard to this obscure, hideous subject which was present in both their
minds, although they never alluded to it. Hitherto he had prevented
her speaking, dreading the precursory shiver of his former complaint,
trembling lest their affection might suffer if they were to talk of
blood together. But, on this occasion, he did not feel the strength to
bend his head, and seal her lips with a kiss. He thought it settled,
that she would say all. And so, he was relieved of his anxiety, when,
appearing to become troubled, she hesitated, then shrank back, and
observed:
"You know, darling, my husband suspects we are in love with one
another."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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