"Ah! indeed! I do not understand you! And yet you were an honest man.
Yes, you would never have taken a sou from anyone. And what you did
might have been forgiven, for you were crazy, and made me the same.
But this money! Ah! this abominable money! which should not exist for
you, and which you are stealing sou by sou for your pleasure. What has
happened? How could you have fallen so low?"
He listened to her, and in a moment of lucidity he also felt
astonished that he should have arrived at thieving. The phases of the
slow demoralisation were becoming effaced, he was unable to re-join
what the murder had severed around him, he failed to understand how
another existence, how almost a new being had commenced, with his home
destroyed, his wife standing aside, and hostile. But the unavoidable
subject at once came uppermost in his mind. He gave a gesture, as if to
free himself from troublesome reflections, and growled:
"When there is no pleasure at home, one seeks diversion outside. As you
no longer love me----"
"Oh! no, I have no more love for you," she interrupted.
He looked at her, gave a blow with his fist on the table, and the blood
rushed to his face.
"Then leave me alone!" he exclaimed. "Do I interfere with your
amusements? Do I sit in judgment on you? There are many things an
upright man would do in my place, and which I do not do! To begin with,
I ought to kick you out at the door. After that I should perhaps not
steal."
She had become quite pale, for she also had often thought that when
a man, and particularly a jealous man, is ravaged by some internal
evil to the point of allowing his wife a sweetheart, there exists an
indication of moral gangrene invading his being, destroying the other
scruples, and entirely disorganising his conscience. But she struggled
inwardly, refusing to hold herself responsible, and in an unsteady
voice she exclaimed:
"I forbid you to touch the money!"
He had finished eating, and, quietly folding up his napkin, he rose,
saying in a bantering tone:
"If you want to share the cash, let us do so."
He was already bending down as if to take up the piece of parquetry,
and she had to rush forward and place her foot on it.
"No, no!" she pleaded. "You know I would prefer death. Do not open it.
No, no! not before me!"
That same night Séverine had an appointment with Jacques behind the
goods station. When she returned home after twelve o'clock, the scene
with her husband in the evening recurred to her, and she double-locked
herself in her bedroom. Roubaud was on night duty, and she had no
anxiety lest he should return and come to bed, a circumstance that
very rarely happened, even when he had his nights to himself. But with
bedclothes to her chin, and the lamp turned down, she failed to get to
sleep. Why had she refused to share?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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