“I don’t want love. I haven’t time for it. It’s weakness. I am a man,
and sometimes I want a woman. When I’ve satisfied my passion I’m ready
for other things. I can’t overcome my desire, but I hate it; it
imprisons my spirit; I look forward to the time when I shall be free
from all desire and can give myself without hindrance to my work.
Because women can do nothing except love, they’ve given it a ridiculous
importance. They want to persuade us that it’s the whole of life. It’s
an insignificant part. I know lust. That’s normal and healthy. Love is
a disease. Women are the instruments of my pleasure; I have no patience
with their claim to be helpmates, partners, companions.”
I had never heard Strickland speak so much at one time. He spoke with a
passion of indignation. But neither here nor elsewhere do I pretend to
give his exact words; his vocabulary was small, and he had no gift for
framing sentences, so that one had to piece his meaning together out of
interjections, the expression of his face, gestures and hackneyed
phrases.
“You should have lived at a time when women were chattels and men the
masters of slaves,” I said.
“It just happens that I am a completely normal man.”
I could not help laughing at this remark, made in all seriousness; but
he went on, walking up and down the room like a caged beast, intent on
expressing what he felt, but found such difficulty in putting
coherently.
“When a woman loves you she’s not satisfied until she possesses your
soul. Because she’s weak, she has a rage for domination, and nothing
less will satisfy her. She has a small mind, and she resents the
abstract which she is unable to grasp. She is occupied with material
things, and she is jealous of the ideal. The soul of man wanders
through the uttermost regions of the universe, and she seeks to
imprison it in the circle of her account-book. Do you remember my wife?
I saw Blanche little by little trying all her tricks. With infinite
patience she prepared to snare me and bind me. She wanted to bring me
down to her level; she cared nothing for me, she only wanted me to be
hers. She was willing to do everything in the world for me except the
one thing I wanted: to leave me alone.”
I was silent for a while.
“What did you expect her to do when you left her?”
“She could have gone back to Stroeve,” he said irritably. “He was ready
to take her.”
“You’re inhuman,” I answered. “It’s as useless to talk to you about
these things as to describe colours to a man who was born blind.”
He stopped in front of my chair, and stood looking down at me with an
expression in which I read a contemptuous amazement.
“Do you really care a twopenny damn if Blanche Stroeve is alive or
dead?”
I thought over his question, for I wanted to answer it truthfully, at
all events to my soul.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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