All at once, a plan to accomplish this formulated itself in her mind. He
had wanted to "smash the piano." Well, he should never want that again.
She would show him that her music was not going to stand between
them--that she was willing to share it with him. She would talk to him
about it, get him to understand something of what it meant to her, and
when the concerto was quite finished, she would invite him into the West
Parlour to listen to it. It was nearing completion--another week's work
and what Sandy laughingly termed her "magnum opus" would be finished. Of
course Roger wouldn't be able to give her a musician's understanding of
it, but he would certainly appreciate the fact that she had played it to
him first of anyone.
It would go far to heal that resentful jealousy if she "shared" the
concerto with him. He would never again feel that she was keeping him
outside the real interests of her life. Probably, later on, when it was
performed by a big London orchestra, under the auspices of one of the
best-known conductors of the day--who happened to be a particular friend
of Nan's and a staunch believer in her capacity to do good work--Roger
would even begin to take a quaint kind of pride in her musical
achievements.
What she purposed would involve a good deal of pluck and sacrifice. For
it takes both of these to reveal yourself, as any true musician must, to
an audience of one with whom you are not utterly in sympathy. But if by
this road she and Roger took one step towards a better understanding,
towards that comradeship which was all that she could ever give him, then
it would have been worth the sacrifice.
Gradually the stony look of despair lifted from her face, and a new
spirit of resolution took possession of her. She was not the only person
in the world who had to suffer. There were others, Peter amongst them,
who were debarred by circumstances from finding happiness, and who went
on doing their duty unflinchingly. It was only she who had
failed--letting Roger bear the cost of her mistake. She had promised to
marry him when it seemed the only way out of the difficulties which beset
her, and now she was not honouring that promise. While Peter Mallory was
still waiting quietly for the wife he no longer loved to come back to
him--keeping the door of his house open to her whenever she should choose
to claim fulfilment of the pledges he had given the day he married her.
Nan leaned her head against the window-pane, realising that, whatever
Roger's faults might he, she, too, had fallen short.
"Our troth, Nan. Hang on to it--_hard_, when life seems a bit more
uphill than usual."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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