At the sound of her voice he turned towards her, and the look in his
eyes hurt her like a physical blow.
"Oh, my dear . . . my dear!" she cried, trembling towards him. "Don't
look like that . . . Ah! don't look like that!"
And her hands went fluttering out in the mother-yearning that every
woman feels for her man in trouble.
"Forgive me, Nan . . . I'm sorry."
She hardly recognised the low, toneless voice.
Her eyes were shining. "Sorry for loving me?" she said.
"No--not for loving you. God knows, I can't help that! But because I
would have taken you and made you mine . . . you who are not mine at
all."
"I'm all yours, really, Peter."
She came a few steps nearer to him, standing sweet and unafraid before
him, her grave eyes shining with a kind of radiance.
"Dear," she went on simply, throwing out her hands in a little
defenceless gesture, "if you want me, I'll come to you. . . . Not--not
secretly . . . while I'm still pledged to Roger. But openly, before
all the world. I'll go with you . . . if you'll take me."
She stood very still, waiting for his answer. Right or wrong, in that
moment of utter sacrifice of self, she had risen to the best that was
in her. She was willing to lay all on love's altar--body, soul, and
spirit, and that honour of the Davenants which she had been so schooled
to keep untarnished. Her pledge to Roger, her uncle's faith in
her--all these must be tossed into the fire to make her gift complete.
But the agony in Peter's face when the mask had fallen from it had
temporarily destroyed for her all values except the value of love.
Peter took the fluttering, outstretched fingers and laid his lips
against them. Then he relinquished them slowly, lingeringly. Passion
had died out of his face. His eyes held only a grave tenderness, and
the sternly sweet expression of his mouth recalled to Nan the man as
she had first known him, before love, terrible and beautiful, had come
into their lives to destroy them.
"I should never take you, dear," he said at last. "A man doesn't hurt
the thing he loves--not in his right senses. What he'll do when the
madness is on him--only his own soul knows."
She caught his arm impetuously.
"Peter, let me come! I'm not afraid of being hurt--not if we're
together. It's only the hurt of being without you that I can't
bear. . . . Oh, I know what you're thinking"--as she read the negation
in his face--"that I should regret it, that I should mind what people
said. Dear, if I can give you happiness, things like that simply
wouldn't count. . . . Ah, believe me, Peter!"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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