China -- Fiction; Communism -- Fiction; Women peasants -- Fiction
She would have said there was no path for her to turn, unless to death,
but there was one way, and it was to tear from out her body this greedy
life she felt there growing. But she could not do it all alone. There
must be one to aid her, and there was none to turn to save her cousin’s
wife. Much the mother wished she need not tell a soul what she must do,
and yet she did not know how to do it alone. And the cousin’s wife was
a coarse good creature, too, one who knew the earth and the ways of
men and knew full well the earthy body of a woman that is fertile and
must bear somehow. But how to tell her?
Yet the thing came easily enough, for in a day or so thereafter when
the two women stood alone upon a pathway talking, having met by some
small accident or other, the cousin’s wife said in her loud and kindly
way, “Cousin, eat and let your sorrowing cease, for I do swear your
face is as yellow as though you had worms in you.”
And the thought rose in the mother’s mind and she said it, low and
bitterly, “So I have a worm in me, too, that eats my life out.”
And when the cousin’s wife stared, the mother put her hand to her belly
and she said, halting, “Something does grow in me, cousin, but I do not
know what it can be unless it is an evil wind of some sort.”
Then the cousin’s wife said, “Let me see it,” and the mother opened her
coat and the cousin’s wife felt her where she had begun to swell, and
she said astonished, “Why, cousin, it is like a child there, and if you
had a husband, I would say that it was so with you!”
Then the mother said nothing but she hung her head miserably and could
not lift her eyes, and the cousin saw a stirring in her belly and she
cried out in a terror, “It is a child, I swear, yet how can it be
except it be conceived by spirit, since your man is gone these many
years? But I have heard it said it does happen sometimes to women and
in olden times it happened often, if they were of a saintly sort, that
gods came down and visited them. Yet you be no great saint, cousin, a
very good woman, it is true, and held in good respect, but still angry
and sudden sometimes and of a lusty temper. But have you felt a god
about?”
Then the mother would like to have told another lie and she longed to
say she did feel a god one day when she stood in the wayside shrine to
shelter in a storm, but when she opened her lips to shape the lie she
could not. Partly she was afraid to lie so blackly about the old decent
god there whose face she covered, and partly she was so weary now she
could lie no more. So she lifted her head and looked miserably at the
cousin’s wife and the red flowed into her pale cheeks and spotted them;
she would have given half her life now if she could have told a full
deceiving lie. But she could not and there it was. And the good woman
who looked at her saw how it was and she asked no question nor how it
came about, but she said only, “Cover yourself, sister, lest you be
cold.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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