"We've uncorked the blooming Atlantic, that's what," said Albert
Edward; "cork it up again quickly or it'll bob up and swamp us."
That done, we looked about for something that would stand digging
into. The only thing we could find was a molehill, so we delved our
way into that. We are residing in it now, Albert Edward, Maurice and
I. We have called it "_Mon Repos_," and stuck up a notice saying we
are inside, otherwise visitors would walk over it and miss us.
The chief drawback to "_Mon Repos_" is Maurice. Maurice is the
proprietor by priority, a mole by nature. Our advent has more or
less driven him into the hinterland of his home and he is most
unpleasant about it. He sits in the basement and sulks by day,
issuing at night to scrabble about among our boots, falling over
things and keeping us awake. If we say "Boo! Shoo!" or any harsh
word to him he doubles up the backstairs to the attic and kicks earth
over our faces at three-minute intervals all night.
Albert Edward says he is annoyed about the rent, but I call that
absurd. Maurice is perfectly aware that there is a war on, and to
demand rent from soldiers who are defending his molehill with their
lives is the most ridiculous proposition I ever heard of. As I said
before, the situation is most unpleasant, but I don't see what we can
do about it, for digging out Maurice means digging down "_Mon
Repos_," and there's no sense in that. Albert Edward had a theory
that the mole is a carnivorous animal, so he smeared a worm with
carbolic tooth-paste and left it lying about. It lay about for days.
Albert now admits his theory was wrong; the mole is a vegetarian, he
says; he was confusing it with trout. He is in the throes of
inventing an explosive potato for Maurice on the lines of a
percussion grenade, but in the meanwhile that gentleman remains in
complete mastery of the situation.
The balloon attached to our back garden is very tame. Every morning
its keepers lead it forth from its abode by strings, tie it to a
longer string and let it go. All day it remains aloft, tugging
gently at its leash and keeping an eye on the War. In the evening
the keepers appear once more, haul it down and lead it home for the
night. It reminds me for all the world of a huge docile elephant
being bossed about by the mahout's infant family. I always feel like
giving the gentle creature a bun.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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