The Skipper despatched his pen-picture to H.Q. and forgot all about
it, and so did H.Q. apparently, for we heard nothing further, and in
due course forgot all about it ourselves, and in the meanwhile
MacTavish got back into form, and MacTavish in form is no shrinking
lily be it said.
He has a figure which tests every stitch in his Sam Browne, a bright
blue eye and a complexion which an external application of mixed
weather and an internal application of tawny port has painted the hue
of the beetroot.
Then suddenly, like a bomb from the blue, an ambulance panted up to
the door and presented a H.Q. chit to the effect that the body of
MacTavish be delivered to it at once to bear off to X.
The Skipper at the time was out hacking and Albert Edward was in
charge; he sent an orderly flying to MacTavish, who rolled in from
his tent singing "My Friend John" at the top of his voice and looking
more like an over-fed beetroot than ever.
"Dash it all, I don't want to go to their confounded mortuary," he
shouted; "never felt fitter in my life. I can't go; I won't go!"
"You'll have to," said Albert Edward; "can't let the Skipper down
after that pen-picture he wrote; the Staff would never believe
another word he said. No, MacTavish, my son, you'll have to play the
game and go."
"But, you ass, look at him," wailed the Babe; "look at his ruddy,
ruby, tomato-ketchup, plum-and-apple complexion. What are you going
to do about that?"
"I'll settle his complexion," replied Albert Edward grimly; "tell his
man to toss his tooth-brush into the meat-waggon; and you, Mac, come
with me."
He led the violently protesting MacTavish into the kitchen. The cook
tells me Albert Edward pounded two handfuls of flour into MacTavish's
complexion and filled his eye-sockets up with coal-dust, and I quite
believe the cook, for in five minutes' time I came on Albert Edward
dragging what I at first took to be the body of a dead Pierrot down
the passage towards the waiting ambulance, at the same time exhorting
it to play the game and wobble for the Skipper's sake.
The wretched MacTavish, choking with flour and blinded with
coal-dust, wobbled like a Clydesdale with the staggers.
I saw a scared R.A.M.C. orderly bound out of the car and assist
Albert Edward to hoist MacTavish aboard, trip him up and pin him down
on a stretcher. Then the ambulance coughed swiftly out of sight.
The allotted week passed but no MacTavish came bounding back to us
like a giant refreshed with great draughts of resin, and we grew
anxious; which anxiety did not abate when, in reply to the Skipper's
inquiries, the Rest Home authorities wired denying all knowledge of
him.
Goodness knows what we should have done if a letter from MacTavish
himself had not arrived next morning, to say that he had lain on his
back in the ambulance digging coal-dust out of his eyes and coughing
up flour till the car stopped, not, to his surprise, at the Rest
Home, but at a Casualty Clearing Station.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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