"I thank you Senor, for the audience which you have given to me. As
there is to be no _rapprochement_ to us, what I can say may not avail.
I must now take my own course. I am sad; for what that course may have
to be, I know not. I would have given my fortune and my life to have
acquitted me honourably of the trust imposed on me. But such happiness
may not alas! be mine. Senor" this he said very sternly "I trust that
you will always remember that I tried all ways that I know of, of peace
and honour, to fulfill my duty. Should I have to take means other
to discharge my duty, even to the point of life and death, you will
understand that I have no alternative."
"Would you take life?" I said impulsively, half incredulous.
"I would not scruple regarding my own life; why should I, regarding that
of another?" he said simply, then he went on:
"But oh! Senor, it is not the taking of life, my own or another's, which
I dread. It is that I may have to walk in devious ways, where honour is
not; have I not already tasted of its bitterness! Understand me that
this duty of guardianship of the trust is not of my choosing. It was set
to me and mine by other and greater powers than ourselves, by the
Vicegerent of God Himself; and what is ordained by him I shall do in all
ways that are demanded of me."
I was sorry for him, very sorry; but his words made a new fear. Hitherto
I had been dealing with a gentleman, and there is much protection in
this thought to any opponent. Now, however, he calmly announced that he
would act without scruple. I was in future to dread, not fair fighting
alone, but crooked ways and base acts. So I spoke out:
"Am I not then to look on you as a man of honour?" His face darkened
dangerously; but all its haughty pride was obliterated by a look of
despair and grief as he said sadly:
"Alas I know not. I am in the hands of God! He may deal mercifully with
me, and allow me to pass to my grave not dishonoured; but for myself my
path has been set in ways that may lead I know not whither."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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