Poor Felicia! That life of hers was indeed a frightful desert when art
did not beguile it with its illusions; a desert mournful and flat, where
everything was lost, reduced to one level, beneath the same monotonous
immensity, the naive love of a child of twenty, a passionate duke’s
caprice, in which all was overwhelmed by an arid sand driven by blasting
fates. Paul was conscious of that void, desired to escape it; but
something held him back, like a weight which unrolls a chain, and in
spite of the calumnies he heard, and notwithstanding the odd whims of
the strange creature, he dallied deliciously after her, at the price
of bearing away with him from this long lover’s contemplation only the
despair of a believer reduced to the adoring of images alone.
The refuge lay down there, in that remote quarter of the town where the
wind blew so hard, yet without preventing the flame from mounting white
and straight--it was the family circle presided over by Bonne Maman. Oh!
she at least was not bored, she never uttered the cry of the “jackal
in the desert.” Her life was far too full; the father to encourage, to
sustain, the children to teach, all the material cares of a home where
the mother’s hand is wanting, those preoccupations that awake with the
dawn and are put to sleep by the evening, unless indeed it bring them
back in dream, one of those devotions, tireless but without apparent
effort, very pleasant for poor human egotism, because they dispense from
all gratitude and hardly make themselves felt, so light is their hand.
She was not the courageous daughter who works to support her parents,
gives private lessons from morning to night, forgets in the excitement
of a profession all the troubles of the household. No, she had
understood her task in a different sense, a sedentary bee restricting
her cares to the hive, without once humming out of doors in the open air
among the flowers. A thousand functions: tailoress, milliner, mender
of clothes, bookkeeper also for M. Joyeuse, who, incapable of all
responsibility, left to her the free disposal of their means, to be
pianoforte-teacher, governess.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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