“Oh!” said he, with an outburst of sincerity, “between my two prisons
I would prefer the other, where I could be frankly indifferent. But the
atrocious comedy of conjugal love, of unwearying happiness, when for
so long I had loved you and thought of you alone! There is not such a
torture on earth. If I can guess, the poor woman must have uttered a cry
of relief and happiness at the separation. It is the only adieu I hoped
for from her.”
“But who forced you to such a thing?”
“Paris, society, the world. Married by its opinion, we were held by it.”
“And now you are held no longer?”
“Now something comes before all--it is the idea of losing you, of seeing
you no longer. Oh! when I learned of your flight, when I saw the bill
over your door TO LET, I felt sure that it was all up with poses and
grimaces, that I had nothing else to do but to set out, to run quickly
after my happiness, which you were taking away. You were leaving
Paris--I have left it. Everything of yours was being sold; everything of
mine will be sold.”
“And she?” said Felicia trembling. “She, the irreproachable companion,
the honest woman whom no one has ever suspected, where will she go?
What will she do? And it is her place you have just offered me. A stolen
place, think what a hell! Well, and your motto, good Jenkins, virtuous
Jenkins, what shall we do with it? ‘_Le bien sans esperance_,’ eh!”
At this sneer, cutting his face like a whip, the wretch answered
panting:
“That will do! Do not sneer at me so. It is too horrible now. Does it
not touch you, then, to be loved as I love you in sacrificing everything
to you--fortune, honour, respect? See, look at me. I have snatched my
mask off for you, I have snatched if off before all. And now, see, here
is the hypocrite.”
He heard the muffled noise of two knees falling on the floor. And
stammering, distracted with love, weak before her, he begged her
to consent to this marriage, to give him the right to follow her
everywhere, to defend her. Then the words failed him, stifled in a
passionate sob, so deep, so lacerating that it should have touched any
heart, above all among this splendid impassible scenery in this perfumed
heat. But Felicia was not touched. “Let us have done, Jenkins,” said
she brusquely. “What you ask is impossible. We have nothing to hide from
each other, and after your confidences just now, I wish to make one to
you, which humbles my pride, but your degradation makes you worthy. I
was Mora’s mistress.”
Paul knew this. And yet it was so sad to hear this beautiful, pure voice
laden with such a confession, in the midst of the intoxicating air, that
he felt his heart contract.
“I knew it,” answered Jenkins in a low voice, “I have the letters you
wrote to him.”
“My letters?”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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