Mrs. Price began to speak tremulously for his comfort. "Those were
circumstances we couldn't help, dear. Thank Heaven that this time, when
you are really more seriously in need of us, we are here beside you to
do everything in our power. I think Winnie ought to lie down and rest,"
Mrs. Price said, shepherding her husband out of the room before his
exultance should become too crass.
* * * * *
Laurence came heavily into the house and hung up his hat. All day he had
felt the new child, a fiery thread through the blackness of his mind
sewing him to earth. His fear of the new child smoldered like a hot
ache in the back of his brain.
Thirty-one years old. He could not bear to recall in detail the
incidents of his life. He had achieved nothing; so he had ceased to
believe in achievement. As a boy he had invariably thought of himself in
grandiose and ultra-masculine rôles. When girls had come into his dreams
they had come in gratitude to receive some contemptuous beneficence at
his hands. He was ashamed now when he recalled the gauche sense of
superiority that had showed itself in bad manners. And yet his habit of
mind remained the same. When he ceased to give himself he would admit
equality, and he could not do that. His pride bound him to endless
obligations. Against Winnie, he obliterated gladness in himself and
denied his acquisitive spirit. She should have him all and he would be
nothing.
The door in the hall opened behind Laurence and closed with a sharp
click of the latch. Laurence moved in the heaviness of circles, but
Alice's movements were always angular and resistant.
"Hello, Laurie," she said coldly. They seldom talked together.
The gas flame burnt blue in the cold hall. Alice took off her beaver
sailor hat and hung it beside Laurence's acid-stained derby.
She looked at him. The patience she read in his coarse florid face was
like everything else in the house. The house at night was a monstrous
phlegmatic beast half drowned. Its inmates were sightless parasites.
Alice was pugnacious. "What's the matter with you?" she joked
brusquely. "Winnie hasn't had twins, has she?"
"Winnie's all right," Laurence said.
"How do you regard the prospect of becoming a proud father a third time,
Laurence?" she demanded suddenly. She knew she was offensive but felt
she must wrench something from this huge mass of bitterly desponding
flesh.
The world was muted with fleshiness and heaviness. Only in her own body
pain rang clear and sharp and chiming sweet. Her pain was her beauty
that she kept inside herself. It was her virginity. She felt that he had
no beauty of pain.
"You are the only thing that reconciles me to it, Alice," he retorted
sourly.
"A benighted old spinster, eh?"
"Well, I have a pretty wife and shall soon have three lovely children.
My state has its compensatory illusions."
"Ah, yes, I suppose it has." She did not know what more to say to him.
He walked into the living-room, ignoring her.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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