It was a moment before she could make herself follow him.
If Winnie died----How did these things happen? Laurence was almost like
a murderer.
For a moment she envied him, then in her terrible emptiness she felt
herself more beautiful than he.
Mad. I'm going mad. He doesn't know.
Laurence wanted to get away from her. His expression of life was always
bitter and cheap and he knew it, but he was rather proud of the
exquisiteness which made it unendurable for him to tell the truth to
himself. He despised Alice for the brutal veracity of her introspection.
Alice carried pain of self like a banner. He felt that her arrogant
suffering showed a want of fineness. To dare to see as she did, he felt,
one must be emotionally dull.
Winnie was false and puerile, but because he felt that the truth would
kill Winnie, she seemed to him more delicate and beautiful than Alice.
Alice recognized that Laurence hated her because she understood him too
well.
She could not comprehend this. She would have let herself be known even
in utter contempt. She was clouded now with the murk of herself that no
one would know. She wanted to be known to be cleansed.
* * * * *
Winnie was tired of the country that left her too much with herself. She
hated the empty road in the bleak days and the black tree at the end
that swayed against the damp green twilights. She was glad when Mrs.
Price agreed that it was time for them to go back to the city.
They left the farmhouse at night. Mr. Price had sent his car out and in
it they were driven to the station, ten miles away. It was moonlight.
The pine trees along the road tossed their green hair in the wind. The
long boughs swept the ground. The trees clutched the earth with their
roots as if in a frenzy. They would not give way.
At the deserted station one light burned over the window where the
telegraph operator worked. They sat for a long time in the dim waiting
room, until the big train, fiery and terrible, rushed out of nothing and
came to a standstill at the end of the platform.
When they went into the long dim car hung with green curtains, every one
was asleep.
Mrs. Price helped her daughter to undress and Winnie lay down on her
side in the lower berth with the window shade up. As she lay there and
the train began to move, the oppression of the last few weeks culminated
in her emotions, in an unreasoning panic, and she imagined that she was
already dead.
It was foggy. The train passed through a railway yard and Winnie saw
rows of empty cars, long and low, that were like monsters with
lusterless hides and opaque eyes, submerged in mist. Hundreds of dull
eyes stared from the dimly shining windows, the pale eyes of the cars.
Delicate bridges floated over her head as the train passed beneath them,
and the swinging arms of derricks and huge machines, lifted through the
mist, were as frail as lace.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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