Mr. Farley knew his wife's abstraction was intended as a rebuke to him,
but he wanted to hide behind it. Her continually averted face bewildered
him, and at the same time left him grateful.
His life had been ruined. He had sacrificed everything. And now he was
offered the opportunity to escape.
Since Helen had left the city again, the project for their future which
had been forced into his mind appeared to him as a dream out of which he
had been allotted the impossible task of making reality.
His wife, concentrating herself upon household things, seemed to him
strong and natural. She had ground under her feet. She had selected the
carpet she walked on. It was hers. When he passed through a room where
she was at work and she swept dust into his eyes, he did not rebel. The
grit in his eyes was the truth of her right. He had no carpet and no
house in which to make his dream. He knew that, even though he had
bought the house, it was hers, because she wanted it. In his uncertainty
he was ashamed before her because her wants were so definite and
limited.
Sometimes, in his confusion, he passed judgment upon himself before he
knew whom it was that he judged. In a panic, he tried to find some sure
conception of himself to hold against the ebb and flow of his
irresolution. Winnie's precarious health gave him the loophole he
needed. Until the baby was born, he must hold in abeyance the
contemplation of his own affairs. He owed it to her.
"Poor little Winnie!" he often said. "I miss her so when she is not at
meals. She should be the first thought of all of us now. We should let
our individual problems go until we can see her through her trouble."
His wife understood that he was excusing himself for what he had not
done. In the beginning of their disagreement, when she was frightened
with the strangeness of her situation, she had waited, in a numb agony
of quiescence, for the first legal steps to be taken. Nothing had
occurred, and she still waited. But there was furtive listening in her
attitude. She listened and, in spite of herself, was glad.
* * * * *
The gas jet was shaded so that the glow fell only on half the bed where
the footboard made darkness like an echo on the wall. Winnie's supper,
untasted, was in a tray on a chair: tea, black with long standing, and
shriveled toast on a chipped plate.
On the chest of drawers, glasses and medicine bottles marked themselves
in separate blackness against the blank brilliant yellow-papered wall.
In front of them was a china holder with a bent candle beside which some
one had laid the rust-pink core of an apple.
About the big looking-glass the frame of purplish wood was rich with
satin reflections, but the glass it surrounded was gray and still and
mirrored a part of the bed and the German print as though they were a
long way off.
The fire had burned low and the room was hot and had a close smell.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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