One day Bobby dropped his toy engine out of the living-room window, and
when it fell in the street a bad boy ran off with it. Bobby came crying
to his father, but Laurence would give no sympathy.
"If May cried like that nobody would be surprised," Laurence said. "Why
didn't you go out and make the boy give it back?"
"He wouldn't div it back! He wanted it!" Bobby bored his scrubby fists
into his streaming eyes. His sobs were futile and rebellious.
"Go out and take it away from him. Next time you let some little
ragamuffin in the street run off with your toys, don't come to me about
it. May would probably let anybody, that wanted to, run off with the
dearest thing that she possessed, but that's no excuse for you."
Bobby was so angry that for a moment he forgot to cry. He did not
understand his father's cross words, but they were not what he wanted
and he hated them.
Unmoved in her humility, May heard herself deprecated. She accepted
contempt as the poor take dirt. Her father's tolerant disapproval lay on
her ugliness, but she could not think how she would be without it.
And yet he never scolded her. When her grandmother was provoked with her
he only said, "Leave her alone. You can't change her." And he always
petted her. But May knew wordlessly that he was only kind to her. She
was humble.
Something inside her died faintly. It was like a death at the end of a
sickness, a relief which she dimly felt as defeat.
Yet she was fond of her father. She was glad he did not scold her. She
would run to meet him when he came home from work and cling delightedly
with her little claws to his strong small hands. Mostly she was unaware
of the tightening and stiffening of his wrist and of his readiness to
loose her when she let her palm slip from his. She was even oblivious
to the contrast presented by the spontaneity of his brusque affection
for Bobby. It was only now and then, as by some unnamed sixth sense, she
knew that he was not wanting her touch. Then she would draw back,
bewildered and ashamed of herself, but neither sad nor angry, and would
find herself in her stupidity weltering in that same pitch-bright shadow
which was always on her soul whether he forgot it or not.
However, if he was willing to forgive her, if he felt contrite for what
he had shown, and held out his hand to her, her heart immediately
lifted. She was up above herself in the sure definite outlines of his
world, and she was glad. She clapped her hands and danced. There was not
a spark of jealousy or reproach in her too yielding nature.
Laurence, half concealing it from himself, despised her subconscious
forgiveness. But, since he could do nothing to improve his relation with
her, he was very generous with candy and sweets and playthings.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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