Moral training depends upon the force of example rather than of
precept. Parents must be scrupulously just and truthful to the child,
for his quick perception will detect the slightest deceit, and the
evil impression made on his mind may be lasting. They must confidently
expect conduct from him of a high moral standard, and be careful at
this early age to avoid the common fault of giving a dog a bad name.
If it is said on all sides that a child has an uncontrollable temper,
is an inveterate grumbler, is lacking in all power of concentration,
or has a tendency to deceit, it is likely that the child will act up
to his reputation. He comes in time to regard this failing of his as
part of himself just as much as is the colour of his hair or the
length of his legs. It may be said of a schoolboy that he shows no
aptitude for his work. Term by term the same report is brought home
from school, and each serves only to confirm the boy in his belief
that this failing is part of his nature, and that no effort of his own
can correct it. If one subject only has escaped the condemnation of
his master, then it may be to that study alone that he returns with
zest and enjoyment. Spendthrift sons are manufactured by those fathers
who many times a day proclaim that the boy has no notion of the value
of money.
And so with children! Parents must take it for granted that they will
display all the virtues they desire in them. They must trust to their
honour always to speak the truth, and always to do their best in work
or play whether they are with them or not. Again and again the
children will fail and their patience will be tried to the utmost.
They must explain how serious is the fault, and for the time being
their trust may have to be removed; but with the promise of amendment
it must again be fully restored and the lapse completely forgotten. If
the child feels he is not trusted he ceases to make any effort, and
lapse will succeed lapse with increasing frequency.
In efforts at moral training there is often too great an emphasis laid
upon negative virtues. It is wrong to do this: to do that is
forbidden. Children cannot progress by merely avoiding faults any more
than a man may claim to be an agreeable companion at table because he
does not eat peas with a knife or drink with his mouth full. There
must be a constant effort to achieve some positive good, to acquire
knowledge, to do service, to take thought for others, to discipline
self, and the parent will get the best result who is comparatively
blind to failure but quick to encourage effort and to appreciate
success. When the child knows well that he is doing wrong, exhortation
and expostulation are usually of little avail if repeated too often,
and serious talks should only take place at long intervals.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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