English fiction -- 19th century; London (England) -- Fiction; Poor -- Fiction; Poverty -- Fiction
‘She told him what passed between us that night,’ Sidney argued
inwardly. But it was not so. Hewett had merely abandoned himself to an
unreasonable resentment. Notwithstanding his concessions, he blamed
Sidney for the girl’s leaving home, and, as his mood grew more
irritable, the more hopeless it seemed that Clara would return, he
nursed the suspicion of treacherous behaviour on Sidney’s part. He
would not take into account any such thing as pride which could forbid
the young man to urge a rejected suit. Sidney had grown tired of Clara,
that was the truth, and gladly caught at any means of excusing himself.
He had made new friends. Mrs. Peckover reported that he was a constant
visitor at the old man Snowdon’s lodgings; she expressed her belief
that Snowdon had come back from Australia with a little store of money,
and if Kirkwood had knowledge of that, would it not explain his
interest in Jane Snowdon?
‘For shame to listen to such things!’ cried Mrs. Hewett angrily, when
her husband once repeated the landlady’s words, ‘I’d be ashamed of
myself, John! If you don’t know him no better than that, you ought to
by this time.’
And John did, in fact, take to himself no little shame, but his
unsatisfied affection turned all the old feelings to bitterness. In
spite of himself, he blundered along the path of perversity. Sidney,
too, had his promptings of obstinate humour. When he distinctly
recognised Hewett’s feeling it galled him; he was being treated with
gross injustice, and temper suggested reprisals which could answer no
purpose but to torment him with self-condemnation. However, he must
needs consult his own dignity; he could not keep defending himself
against ignoble charges. For the present, there was no choice but to
accept John’s hints, and hold apart as much as was possible without
absolute breach of friendly relations. Nor could he bring himself to
approach Clara. It was often in his mind to write to her; had he obeyed
the voice of his desire he would have penned such letters as only the
self-abasement of a passionate lover can dictate. But herein, too, the
strain of sternness that marked his character made its influence felt.
He said to himself that the only hope of Clara’s respecting him lay in
his preservation of the attitude he had adopted, and as the months went
on he found a bitter satisfaction in adhering so firmly to his purpose.
The self-flattery with which no man can dispense whispered assurance
that Clara only thought the more of him the longer he held aloof. When
the end of July came, he definitely prescribed to his patience a trial
of yet one more month. Then he would write Clara a long letter, telling
her what it had cost him to keep silence, and declaring the constancy
he devoted to her.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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