English fiction -- 19th century; London (England) -- Fiction; Poor -- Fiction; Poverty -- Fiction
After a night of sleeplessness, she could only lie on her bed through
the Sunday morning, wretched in a sense of abandonment. And then began
to assail her that last and subtlest of temptations, the thought that
already she had taken an irrevocable step, that an endeavour to return
would only be trouble spent in vain, that the easy course was, in
truth, the only one now open to her. Mrs. Tubbs was busy circulating
calumnies; that they were nothing more than calumnies could never be
proved; all who heard them would readily enough believe. Why should she
struggle uselessly to justify herself in the eyes of people predisposed
to condemn her? Fate was busy in all that had happened during the last
two days. Why had she quitted her situation at a moment’s notice? Why
on this occasion rather than fifty times previously? It was not her own
doing; something impelled her, and the same force—call it chance or
destiny—would direct the issue once more. All she could foresee was the
keeping of her appointment with Scawthorne to-morrow morning; what use
to try and look further, when assuredly a succession of circumstances
impossible to calculate would in the end constrain her? The best would
be if she could sleep out the interval.
At midday she rose, ate and drank mechanically, then contemplated the
hours that must somehow be killed. There was sunlight in the sky, but
to what purpose should she go out? She went to the window, and surveyed
the portion of street that was visible. On the opposite pavement, at a
little distance, a man was standing; it was Sidney Kirkwood. The sight
of him roused her from apathy; her blood tingled, rushed into her
cheeks and throbbed at her temples. So, for all she had said, he was
daring to act the spy! He suspected her; he was lurking to surprise
visitors, to watch her outgoing and coming in. Very well; at least he
had provided her with occupation.
Five minutes later she saw that he had gone away. Thereupon—having in
the meantime clad herself—she left the house and walked at a quick step
towards a region of North London with which she had no acquaintance. In
an hour’s time she had found another lodging, which she took by the day
only. Then back again to Islington. She told her landlady that a sudden
necessity compelled her to leave; she would have a cab and remove her
box at once. There was the hazard that Sidney might return just as she
was leaving; she braved it, and in another ten minutes was out of
reach.
Let his be the blame. She had warned him, and he chose to disregard her
wish. Now she had cut the last bond that fretted her, and the hours
rushed on like a storm-wind driving her whither they would.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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