"Well?" he said at length, a faint ring of irritation in his voice, "Have
you nothing to say to me now I have come?"
Her lips quivered a little. "I don't think--there is anything to be
said," she said. "I knew--I felt--it was too good to last."
"It's over then, is it?" he said, the bitterness gaining the upper hand
because of the misery at his heart. "The indiscretions of my youth have
placed me finally beyond the pale. Is that it?"
She gripped her hands together a little more tightly. "I think you have
been--you are--rather cruel," she said, her voice very low. "If you had
only--told me!"
He made a gesture of exasperation. "My dear girl, for heaven's sake,
look at the thing fairly if you can! How long have I known you well
enough to let you into my secrets? How long have you been up to hearing
them? I meant to tell you--as you know. I've been on the verge of it
more than once. It wasn't cowardice that held me back. It was
consideration for you."
She glanced at him momentarily. "I see," she said in that small quivering
voice of hers that told so little of the wild tumult within her.
"Well?" he said harshly. "And that is my condemnation, is it? Henceforth
I am to be thrust outside--a sinner beyond redemption. Is that it?"
Her eyelids fluttered nervously, but she did not raise them again. She
leaned instead towards the fire. Her shoulders were bent. She looked
crushed, as if her vitality were gone, and yet so slender, so young, in
her thin wrap. He clinched his hands with a sharp intake of the breath,
and his frown deepened.
"So you won't speak to me?" he said. "It's beyond words, is it? It's to
be an insurmountable obstacle to happiness for the rest of our lives? We
go back to the old damnable existence we've led for so long! Or
perhaps--" his voice hardened--"perhaps you think we should be better
apart? Perhaps you would prefer to leave me?"
She flinched at that--flinched as if he had struck her--and then
suddenly she lifted her white face to his, showing him such an anguish of
suffering as he had not suspected.
"Oh, Edward," she said, "why did this have to happen? We were so
happy before."
That pierced him--the utter desolation of her--the pain that was too deep
for reproach. He bent to her, all the bitterness gone from his face.
"My dear," he said in a voice that shook, "can't you see how I loathe
myself--for hurting you--like this?"
And then suddenly--so suddenly that neither knew exactly how it
happened--they were linked together. She was clinging to him with a rush
of piteous tears, and he was kneeling beside her, holding her fast
pressed against his heart, murmuring over her brokenly, passionately,
such words of tenderness as she had never heard from him before. When in
the end she lifted her face to kiss him, it was wet with tears other than
her own, and somehow that fact did more to ease her own distress than any
consolation he could find to offer.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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