My last resource was the chimney, in which I forthwith proceeded to enshell myself, taking good care to leave the space of a yard or two between me and the floor. Scarcely had I thus disposed of myself, when the landlord entered my apartment, followed by his wife and domestics; whose voice I no sooner distinguished, than I began very _coolly_ to descend: but, unfortunately, this being my first attempt at chimney-sweeping, I made such an unsweeper-like descent, that the landlord and his train, thinking Old Nick was at hand, scampered off, myself following with all imaginable speed. Helter-skelter we rushed down the first flight of stairs; at the bottom of which, finding a door half open, with a night-capped head protruding, in order, no doubt, to discover the cause of such a disturbance, we all burglariously entered, knocking down in our tumultuous incourse, the lawful possessor. There at length the foremost of our party wheeled to the right about, and the landlady, discovering me, hastily asked me what was the matter. I explained, as well as I could, the cause of my alarm; to which explanation, turning up the whites of her eyes, she replied, half festily, half laughing, “Quwhy, Gude safe us, Sir, ’twas nae mair than just Sanders Mac Grabbit, ane o’ the play-folk, a skirlin the bit tregedy, as he’s ganging to play in our barn like.”--“Um!” re-answered I; and in less than five minutes my nasal organ was playing bass to my next door neighbour’s treble. [DIARY OF A TRAVELLER.] [Illustration: 352] HOW TO MAKE A PAPER. SCENE.--THE SANCTUM AT THE ESTABLISHMENT IN CATHERINE-STREET, STRAND. _The Editor sitting with his hands in his breeches’ pockets, leaning back in his chair, and looking very earnestly at the ceiling. In about ten minutes he gets up and walks to the window, breathes hard upon the glass, and flourishes a capital R with his finger in the wet he has made. Looks at his watch, and rings the Printer’s bell. Enter Printer._ _Editor_. How much matter have you got, Mr. Pica? _Mr. P. (After a pause.)_ Not more than two columns, Sir. _Editor_. The devil!--How many ads * can you muster to-day? _Mr. P._ Three columns and a half, Sir, including quacks; but I must use “When men of education and professional skill,” and the “Real blessing to mothers.” _Editor_. Have you no standing matter? ** _Mr. P_. Not a line, Sir, I used the last of the standing matter yesterday, the account of the “American sea-serpent,” which was left out full two months ago, to make room for the “Fire in Fleet-street.” _Editor. (Musing.)_ Very well: I’ll touch your bell as soon as I have any copy ready. * Advertisements. ** Articles already composed, or in type, but not yet used; such as good jokes that will keep a week or two--murders in America--or curious discoveries in the East Indies; that will read as well at Christmas as in the dog-days.