Sometimes the great man had doubts about the system of bandages, which
nine out of ten specialists would not have favoured, perhaps; but when
he considered an operation he fell back on them as the only way.
Shell-shock was baffling, freakish, in its results, and the truth was
that he was groping in professional darkness to save Phil from eternal
darkness. Yesterday he had strengthened the application. A matter of
daily routine the change of the bandages. It brought him every
afternoon to the ward and always Helen was there to receive him, the
same look of confident anticipation in her eyes, as yet unfulfilled.
He pressed his hand on Phil's forehead, and this Phil had long ago come
to recognise as Mr. Eyes' private signal which preceded the removal of
the bandages. He was particularly welcome to-day, as Phil had had a
kind of restless sensation back of his eyeballs. As the medicated pad
was withdrawn, a gurgling outcry rose from his throat and he leaned
convulsively forward, fingers outstretched, opening and closing as if
he were trying to grasp at a reality that might escape.
"It's not true! Imagination again!" snarled the pain devils; but they
could not deceive him about this.
Light had come into his black night, soft, dreamy, vague, amazing
light--just light, light, light! There were no people in it, no
houses, no trees, only light which seemed like silver gauze hung before
his eyes and yet to stretch to the ends of the world. It had brought
something dead to life as by miracle, with a touch as soft as
eiderdown, sending little thrills knitting in and out all through him.
Light for the first time since he had heard that hurtling scream of the
shell! Light was in his brain, his veins, his tissue, singing and
frolicking as it opened the doors of dark places. He wanted to embrace
it, fondle it, run it through his fingers with a miser's greed of gold
and gather a store of it while he might. Out of the light, as if
traced by the hand of light, a message was being traced on his arm.
"What is it, Phil?" Helen asked him.
He would not attempt to speak again. He had forgotten himself when he
made that gurgling outcry. It was one of the idiosyncrasies of his
sick man's pride that he would not try to talk before the one who wrote
on his arm. The sounds that he emitted through the bandages and silver
harness must be like a stuttering idiot's lisp, as he expressed it, and
he thought of himself as repulsive enough to her brave eyes without
that. Speech would return normally, the throat expert had said, when
the removal of Bricktop's apparatus should give it a chance.
"Light!" he wrote. "Just light, without seeing you or where I am. It
seems as if I were hung up in the ether, without seeing sky or earth
and light held me up and I ate it and drank it and breathed it. Oh, it
is good, good!"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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