Humorous stories; Man-woman relationships -- Fiction; Marriage -- Fiction; Single women -- Fiction
"That is all a heap of galimatias," replied the Parisienne with the
flaming hair "If I kiss a man, I, surely he may call me Alice without
demanding it? Bah! Let him love your misses with _eau sucrée_ in their
veins. When he insulted me with his stupidity, I became furious. I threw
him--how you say?--overboard on the instant."
"Good heavens!" gasped Lillie. "Then you are a murderess!"
"Figure you to yourself that I speak at the foot of the letter? Know you
not the idioms of your own barbarian tongue? It seems to me you are as
mad as he. Perhaps you are his sister."
"Certainly. Our rules require us to regard all men as brothers."
"_He!_ What?"
"We have rejected the love of all men; consequently we have to regard
them all as our brothers."
"That man there my brother!" shrieked Alice. "Never! Never of my life! I
would rather marry first!" And she went off to do so.
The last of these competitors for the Old Maiden Stakes was a whirlwind
in petticoats who welcomed the President very affably. "Good-morning,
Miss Dulcimer," she said. "I've heard of you. I'm from Boston way. You
know I travel about the world in search of culture. I'm spending the day
in Europe, so I thought I'd look you up. Would you be so good as to
epitomize your scheme in twenty words? I've got to see the Madonna del
Cardellino in the Uffizi at Florence before ten to-morrow, and I want to
hear an act of the _Meistersingers_ at Bayreuth after tea."
"I'm rather tired," pleaded Lillie, overwhelmed by the dynamic energy
radiating from every square inch of the Bostonian's superficies. "I have
had a hard morning's work. Couldn't you call again to-morrow?"
"Impossible. I have just wired to Damietta to secure rooms commanding a
view of Professor Tickledroppe's excavations on the banks of the Nile. I
dote on archæological treasures and thought I should like to see the Old
Maids. Are they on view?"
"No, they are not here," said Lillie evasively. "But do you want to join
us?"
"Shall I have time? I remember I once wasted a week getting married.
Some women waste their whole lives that way. Marriage is an incident of
life's novel--they make it the whole plot. I don't say it isn't an
interesting experience. Every woman ought to go through it once, but
with the infinite possibilities of culture lying all round us it's mere
Philistinism to give one husbandman more than a week of your society.
Mine is a physician practising in Philadelphia. Judging by the checks he
sends me he must be a successful man. Well, I am real glad to have had
this little talk with you, it's been so interesting. I will become an
Honorary Member of your charming Club with pleasure."
"You cannot if you are married. You can only be a visitor."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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