Humorous stories; Man-woman relationships -- Fiction; Marriage -- Fiction; Single women -- Fiction
"If men had their deserts we women--heartless, frivolous, venal
creatures that we are--would go down on our knees to them, and beg them
to marry us. I am a woman and again I speak as one who knows. For I am
not a bad specimen of my sex. Even my best friends admit I am only
silly. I am really a very generous and kind-hearted little thing. I
never keep my tailor waiting longer than a year, I have made quite a
number of penwipers for the poor, and I have never told an unnecessary
lie in my life. I give a great deal of affection to my mother and even a
little assistance in the household. I do not smoke scented cigarettes. I
read travels and biographies as well as novels, play the guitar rather
well, attend a Drawing Class, rise long before noon, am good-tempered,
wear my ball-dresses more than once, turn winter dresses into spring
frocks by stripping off the fur and putting on galon, and diversify my
gowns by changing the sleeves. In short, I am a superior, thoroughly
domesticated girl. And yet I have never met a man who has not had the
advantage of me in all the virtues.
"There was George Holly,--I regret I cannot mention my lovers in
chronological order, but my memories are so vague, they all seem to
fuse into one another. Perhaps it is because there is a lack of
distinctiveness about men--a monotonous goodness which has its charm but
is extremely confusing. One thing I do remember though, about George--at
least, I think it was George. His moustache was rather bristly, and the
little curled tips used to tickle one's nose comically. I was very
disappointed in George, I had heard such a lot of talk about him; but
when I got to really know him I found he was not a bit like it. How I
came to really know him was like this. 'Mary,' he said, as we sat on the
stairs, high up, so as not to be in the way of the waiters. 'Won't you
say "yes" and make me the happiest man alive? Never man loved as I love
now. Answer me. Do not torture me with suspense.' I was silent;
speechless with happiness to think that I had won this true manly heart.
I looked down at my fan. My lips were forming the affirmative
monosyllable, when George continued passionately,
"'Ah, Mary, speak! Mary, the only woman I ever loved.'
"I turned pale with emotion. Tears came into my eyes.
"'Is this true?' I articulated. 'Am I really the only woman you ever
loved?'
"'By my hopes of a hereafter, yes!' George was a bit slangy in his
general conversation. The shallow world never knew the poetry he could
rise to. 'This is the first time I have known what it is to love, Mary,
my sweet, my own.'
"'No, not your own,' I interrupted coldly, for my heart was like ice
within me. 'I belong to myself, and I intend to. Will you give me your
arm into the ballroom--Mr. Daythorpe must be looking for me everywhere.'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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