The Old Tobacco Shop: A True Account of What Befell a Little Boy in Search of AdventureBowen, William
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The Old Tobacco Shop: A True Account of What Befell a Little Boy in Search of Adventure
Bowen, William
Fantasy literature
"I ain't got the least idea what that means," said Toby, "but anyway
it's the Churchwarden's voice, whether he calls himself Thomas the
Inferior or Daniel the Deleterious. You're heartily welcome, Warden, and
I hope you won't mind my saying that a good meal wouldn't do you any
harm, from the looks of you. I'm pretty near starved to death myself.
Mr. Punch, we've got rid of our humps, as sure as you're born. We're as
straight in our bodies as we've always been in our minds, and that's as
straight as a string. By crackey, I never felt so fine in my life;
blamed if I couldn't lick my weight in wildcats."
"Hi 'ave no wish to do so," said Mr. Punch. "Hi do not desire to engage
in any conflict whatever; Hi should regard such conduct as wery
reprehensible; wery. But one cannot but admit, harfter one's back 'as
been so long out of correct proportion, as one may s'y, that one enjoys
a wery pronounced satisfaction when one feels one's self restored to
one's rightful position as a hupright person, in common with one's
fellow--"
"What about Mr. Hanlon?" said Toby, turning around.
"Michael Hanlon, prisent!" said a cheerful voice.
Behind the Inferior Thomas stood a tall and handsome man, the picture of
an athlete in the prime of condition. Short curling black hair clustered
on his head; his eyes were of a humorous dark blue; his cheeks were like
red apples; his shoulders were muscular, his back was straight, his
figure slim; and he wore his night-gown as a Greek runner in ancient
times might have worn his robe after the games.
"What!" said Freddie. "Can you talk?"
"Faith," said Mr. Hanlon, "I've a tongue in me head that can wag with
anny that iver come off the blarney stone, and it's no lies I'm tellin'
ye. For an Irish gintleman to have to listen and listen, and kape his
tongue still in his head and say niver a worrd at all, at all, 'tis a
hard life, me frinds, a hard life, and it's plaised I am to be mesilf at
last, and the nate bit of tongue doin' his duty like a thrue son of
Erin--I could tell ye a swate little shtory that comes to me mind, of a
dumb Irishman that could not spake at all, at all, and the deaf wife of
him that could not hear, and their twelve pigs all lyin' down in the mud
with wan of thim standing up and crying out that the wolf was comin' in
through the gate, and the good wife unable to hear and the good man
unable to spake--"
"I reckon you've got your tongue, all right," said Toby. "I wish we had
time to hear that story, but we haven't. Now, Freddie, what do you think
we'd better--Why, Freddie! What's that you've got on your lip?"
Freddie put his hand to his upper lip. What he felt there was a tiny
silken mustache. He blushed.
"And 'e's taller than any of us except Mr. 'Anlon!" exclaimed Mr. Punch.
"My word!"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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