The old vicarage : $b A novelHubback, Mrs. (Catherine-Anne Austen)
General
The old vicarage : $b A novel
Hubback, Mrs. (Catherine-Anne Austen)
English fiction -- 19th century
It was with the utmost difficulty that poor Maurice was able to
command his attention and spirits sufficiently to be the usual
cheerful companion to his father. But on his return he hurried into
the garden, and there, when Hilary was able to seek him, she
discovered him stretched on the sloping bank of the terrace, with his
face covered by his arms. She sat down beside him, and gently passing
her hands through his curly hair, she whispered,
“Dear Maurice!”
He turned his face toward her, and she, putting her lips to his cheek,
again whispered,
“I was afraid you were very unhappy.”
“Oh, Hilary, I am such a wretch, such a thoughtless, selfish, cruel
fellow! If you knew all――” was his exclamation, with a passionate
misery of look and manner most unusual to him.
“Indeed, dear Maurice, I can not believe you. You may, perhaps, have
been thoughtless, though that is not like you; but cruel, selfish!
never. Oh no, I know you better!”
“You don’t know, dear; you could not guess what I have done; how I
have pained and half-broken the dearest, warmest, most loving little
heart in the world; how I have dimned her smiles, and clouded her
sunshine, and made both her head and heart ache. Yes, it is all my
fault; mine, mine entirely.”
“Yours, dear Maurice!”
“Yes, Hilary, she loves me; it is no idle vanity which misleads me;
she said it――she owned it with tears and sobs――with fear and
trembling, and yet in spite of both grief and terror, that she loved
me; she, the bright――the rich――the beautiful; she loved _me_! and what
has it brought her? Grief and pain, sickness and fear; and all for me!
I, who though I would lay down my life for her, am not worthy to touch
the tip of her little finger! I, who have no claim, except that of
deep, doting, devoted, never-ending love for her. Oh! Hilary, is she
not an angel to love me!”
“But why, dear Maurice, why be so miserable then, if she really loves
you? does Mr. Barham object?” asked Hilary, not quite understanding
his incoherent exclamations.
“We dared not ask him.”
“Dared not! Maurice, that is not like you!”
“No! Dora dared not. What is there that I would not dare for her that
honor did not forbid? Oh, Hilary, if you only knew how I love her!”
“But it is a pity――nay, surely, Maurice, it is wrong if you love thus,
not to tell Mr. Barham! concealment never can be right, and must be
doubly painful!”
“Yes, Hilary,” said her brother, rising upright and looking
steadfastly at her, “if we went on with it; but when I found how it
was, that I was not only using up my own feelings, but acting on
hers――not only making myself unhappy by indulging a presumptuous
passion, but involving her in the same hopeless misery, I saw there
were but two ways open to us. One to explain all to Mr. Barham, and
cast ourselves on his compassion; the other to part! I would have
taken the first, there would have been far less of suffering and
misery; she judged otherwise, and we parted on Saturday. You heard
what Isabel said to-day.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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