Domestic fiction; Sisters -- Fiction; Women -- England -- Fiction
"What is it--now?" she said. The faint, quizzical emphasis which she
put on the 'now' indicated the essential of her thought. The sight of
him touched her and filled her with a womanly sympathy. But that
sympathy was only the envelope of her disdain of him. She could not
admire weakness. She could but pity it with a pity in which scorn was
mingled. Her instinct was to treat him as a child. He had failed in
human dignity. And it seemed to her as if she had not previously been
quite certain whether she could not love him, but that now she was
quite certain. She was close to him. She saw the wounds of a soul that
could not hide its wounds, and she resented the sight. She was hard.
She would not make allowances. And she revelled in her hardness.
Contempt--a good-natured, kindly, forgiving contempt--that was the
kernel of the sympathy which exteriorly warmed her! Contempt for the
lack of self-control which had resulted in this swift degeneration of a
man into a tortured victim! Contempt for the lack of perspective which
magnified a mere mushroom passion till it filled the whole field of
life! Contempt for this feminine slavery to sentiment! She felt that
she might have been able to give herself to Chirac as one gives a toy
to an infant. But of loving him...! No! She was conscious of an
immeasurable superiority to him, for she was conscious of the freedom
of a strong mind.
"I wanted to tell you," said he, "I am going away."
"Where?" she asked.
"Out of Paris."
"Out of Paris? How?"
"By balloon! My journal...! It is an affair of great importance. You
understand. I offered myself. What would you?"
"It is dangerous," she observed, waiting to see if he would put on the
silly air of one who does not understand fear.
"Oh!" the poor fellow muttered with a fatuous intonation and snapping
of the fingers. "That is all the same to me. Yes, it is dangerous. Yes,
it is dangerous!" he repeated. "But what would you...? For me...!"
She wished that she had not mentioned danger. It hurt her to watch him
incurring her ironic disdain.
"It will be the night after to-morrow," he said. "In the courtyard of
the Gare du Nord. I want you to come and see me go. I particularly want
you to come and see me go. I have asked Carlier to escort you."
He might have been saying, "I am offering myself to martyrdom, and you
must assist at the spectacle."
She despised him yet more.
"Oh! Be tranquil," he said. "I shall not worry you. Never shall I speak
to you again of my love. I know you. I know it would be useless. But I
hope you will come and wish me bon voyage."
"Of course, if you really wish it," she replied with cheerful coolness.
He seized her hand and kissed it.
Once it had pleased her when he kissed her hand. But now she did not
like it. It seemed hysterical and foolish to her. She felt her feet to
be stone-cold on the floor.
"I'll leave you now," she said. "Please eat your soup."
She escaped, hoping he would not espy her feet.
II
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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