Domestic fiction; Sisters -- Fiction; Women -- England -- Fiction
Then there was the sound of wheels in King Street. The long rite of the
funeral was about to begin. Every guest, after having been measured and
presented with a pair of the finest black kid gloves by Mr. Povey, had
to mount the crooked stairs and gaze upon the carcase of John Baines,
going afterwards to the drawing-room to condole briefly with the widow.
And every guest, while conscious of the enormity of so thinking,
thought what an excellent thing it was that John Baines should be at
last dead and gone. The tramping on the stairs was continual, and
finally Mr. Baines himself went downstairs, bumping against corners,
and led a cortege of twenty vehicles.
The funeral tea was not over at seven o'clock, five hours after the
commencement of the rite. It was a gigantic and faultless meal, worthy
of John Baines's distant past. Only two persons were absent from
it--John Baines and Sophia. The emptiness of Sophia's chair was much
noticed; Mrs. Maddack explained that Sophia was very high-strung and
could not trust herself. Great efforts were put forth by the company to
be lugubrious and inconsolable, but the secret relief resulting from
the death would not be entirely hidden. The vast pretence of acute
sorrow could not stand intact against that secret relief and the lavish
richness of the food.
To the offending of sundry important relatives from a distance, Mr.
Critchlow informally presided over that assemblage of grave men in high
stocks and crinolined women. He had closed his shop, which had never
before been closed on a weekday, and he had a great deal to say about
this extraordinary closure. It was due as much to the elephant as to
the funeral. The elephant had become a victim to the craze for
souvenirs. Already in the night his tusks had been stolen; then his
feet disappeared for umbrella-stands, and most of his flesh had
departed in little hunks. Everybody in Bursley had resolved to
participate in the elephant. One consequence was that all the chemists'
shops in the town were assaulted by strings of boys. 'Please a pennorth
o' alum to tak' smell out o' a bit o' elephant.' Mr. Critchlow hated
boys.
"'I'll alum ye!' says I, and I did. I alummed him out o' my shop with a
pestle. If there'd been one there'd been twenty between opening and
nine o'clock. 'George,' I says to my apprentice, 'shut shop up. My old
friend John Baines is going to his long home to-day, and I'll close.
I've had enough o' alum for one day.'"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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