_Sir Ben._ Oh! you are of a moral turn. Mrs. Candour and I can sit for an hour and hear Lady Stucco talk sentiment. _Lady Teas._ Nay, I vow Lady Stucco is very well with the dessert after dinner; for she's just like the French fruit one cracks for mottoes--made up of paint and proverb. _Mrs. Can._ Well, I will never join in ridiculing a friend; and so I constantly tell my cousin Ogle, and you all know what pretensions she has to be critical on beauty. _Crab._ Oh, to be sure! she has herself the oddest countenance that ever was seen; 'tis a collection of features from all the different countries of the globe. _Sir Ben._ So she has, indeed--an Irish front---- _Crab._ Caledonian locks---- _Sir Ben._ Dutch nose---- _Crab._ Austrian lips---- _Sir Ben._ Complexion of a Spaniard---- _Crab._ And teeth _a la Chinoise_. _Sir Ben._ In short, her face resembles a _table d'hote_ at Spa--where no two guests are of a nation---- _Crab._ Or a congress at the close of a general war--wherein all the members, even to her eyes, appear to have a different interest, and her nose and chin are the only parties likely to join issue. _Mrs. Can._ Ha! ha! ha! _Sir Pet._ Mercy on my life!--a person they dine with twice a week! [_Aside._ _Mrs. Can._ Nay, but I vow you shall not carry the laugh off so--for give me leave to say that Mrs. Ogle---- _Sir Pet._ Madam, madam, I beg your pardon--there's no stopping these good gentlemen's tongues. But when I tell you, Mrs. Candour, that the lady they are abusing is a particular friend of mine, I hope you'll not take her part. _Lady Sneer._ Ha! ha! ha! well said, Sir Peter! but you are a cruel creature--too phlegmatic yourself for a jest, and too peevish to allow wit in others. _Sir Pet._ Ah, madam, true wit is more nearly allied to good nature than your ladyship is aware of. _Lady Teas._ True, Sir Peter; I believe they are so near akin that they can never be united. _Sir Ben._ Or rather, suppose them man and wife, because one seldom sees them together. _Lady Teaz._ But Sir Peter is such an enemy to scandal, I believe he would have it put down by parliament. _Sir Pet._ Positively, madam, if they were to consider the sporting with reputation of as much importance as poaching on manors, and pass an act for the preservation of fame, as well as game, I believe many would thank them for the bill. _Lady Sneer._ Why! Sir Peter; would you deprive us of our privileges? _Sir Pet._ Ay, madam; and then no person should be permitted to kill characters and run down reputations but qualified old maids and disappointed widows. _Lady Sneer._ Go, you monster! _Mrs. Can._ But, surely, you would not be quite so severe on those who only report what they hear? _Sir Pet._ Yes, madam, I would have law merchant for them too; and in all cases of slander currency, whenever the drawer of the lie was not to be found, the injured parties should have a right to come on any of the indorsers.