Short stories, American; United States -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction
The love affair had not continued without anger, unhappiness, despair.
The girl had once smiled brightly upon a youth who came to buy some
tickets for his little sister, and the young man upon the platform
observing this smile had been filled with gloomy rage. He stood like
a dark statue of vengeance upon his pedestal and thrust out the basket
to the children with a gesture that was full of scorn for their hollow
happiness, for their insecure and temporary joy. For five hours he did
not once look at the girl when she was looking at him. He was going
to crush her with his indifference; he was going to demonstrate that
he had never been serious. However, when he narrowly observed her in
secret he discovered that she seemed more blythe than was usual with
her. When he found that his apparent indifference had not crushed
her he suffered greatly. She did not love him, he concluded. If she
had loved him she would have been crushed. For two days he lived
a miserable existence upon his high perch. He consoled himself by
thinking of how unhappy he was, and by swift, furtive glances at the
loved face. At any rate he was in her presence, and he could get a good
view from his perch when there was no interference by the little sign:
"Cashier."
But suddenly, swiftly, these clouds vanished, and under the imperial
blue sky of the restored confidence they dwelt in peace, a peace
that was satisfaction, a peace that, like a babe, put its trust in
the treachery of the future. This confidence endured until the next
day, when she, for an unknown cause, suddenly refused to look at
him. Mechanically he continued his task, his brain dazed, a tortured
victim of doubt, fear, suspicion. With his eyes he supplicated her to
telegraph an explanation. She replied with a stony glance that froze
his blood. There was a great difference in their respective reasons
for becoming angry. His were always foolish, but apparent, plain as
the moon. Hers were subtle, feminine, as incomprehensible as the stars,
as mysterious as the shadows at night.
They fell and soared, and soared and fell in this manner until they
knew that to live without each other would be a wandering in deserts.
They had grown so intent upon the uncertainties, the variations,
the guessings of their affair that the world had become but a huge
immaterial background. In time of peace their smiles were soft and
prayerful, caresses confided to the air. In time of war, their youthful
hearts, capable of profound agony, were wrung by the intricate emotions
of doubt. They were the victims of the dread angel of affectionate
speculation that forces the brain endlessly on roads that lead nowhere.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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