“I must tell you who I am,” said the elder. “You see before you
Monsieur Nicodème, the President of the Purity League. The end that I
pursue is to outdo in niceness in the matter of modesty the regulations
of the _Lieutenant de Police_. I busy myself, with the help of a
dozen Parliamentary councillors, and two hundred churchwardens from
the principal parishes, in clearing away nudities exposed in public
places, such as squares, boulevards, streets, alleys, quays, courts,
and gardens. And, not content with establishing modesty in the public
way, I exert myself to spread its dominion even into the salon, the
study, and the bedroom, whence it is but too often banished. Know,
Monsieur, that the Society that I have founded has trousseaux made for
young married people, containing long and ample night-garments which
permit these young spouses chastely to go about the execution of God’s
commandment relative to increase and multiplication. And, to mingle
charm, if I may say so, with austerity, these garments are trimmed with
pleasing embroidery. I plume myself on having thus invented garments of
an intimate nature so well designed to make another Sarah and Tobias of
all our young couples, and to cleanse the sacrament of marriage from
the impurities which unfortunately have clung to it.”
My good master, who, his nose in Cassiodorus, had been listening to
their discourse, replied with the utmost gravity from the top of his
ladder, that he thought the invention admirable, and praiseworthy, but
that he had a still more excellent one of the kind.
“I would that our young spouses,” said he, “were rubbed from head
to foot with blacking before they met, making their skin like
boot-leather, which would greatly damp the criminal ardours of the
flesh, and be a grievous obstacle to the caresses, kisses, and
endearments that lovers practise too generally between the sheets.”
Monsieur Nicodème, lifting his head at these words, saw my good master
on the ladder, and saw also from his demeanour that he was laughing at
him.
“Monsieur l’Abbé,” said he, with sadness and indignation, “I would
forgive you did you merely laugh at me. But you ridicule at the same
time, decency and public morals, and there you are much to blame. In
spite of wicked jokes, the Society that I have founded has already done
good and useful work. Crack your jokes, sir! We have fixed six hundred
vine or fig-leaves on the statues in the king’s gardens.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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