I believe that in my rage I went so far as to kick him.... One's own weak moments are so easily forgotten.... I was choking with anger and disgust, and the agony too of being unequal to my task.... I was responsible; and we were hanging back behind all the others, making a gap in the front of attack. Our comrades who had gone on began to abuse us. "A lot o' bloomin' funks!" "Going to stay behind are you?" I was forced to act. I felt my mind lashed by the burning blast of decision. I began by rebuckling my pack behind my shoulders. Freedom for one's arms was an obvious necessity. I stood up and said in a firm tone: "We've not done yet; we've got to get through!" My cheeks were scorching. Everyone was looking at me. I think I gave the impression of the most absolute coolness. "Come along! Come along! Bouillon...!" I reached the gap without hurrying myself. Pffmm! Pffmm! That terrible buzzing.... I got through and shouted imperiously: "Hurry up! Hurry up there!" I was standing up. I had set them in motion. Bouillon, Lamalou, and some others hurried along, bending down.... Someone shouted: "Lie down, Sergeant, lie down!" I lost all consciousness of what was passing. I was thinking of a thousand other things--of my brother.... I calmly wondered if he had been killed in this way. However, some instinct urged me to kneel down, and then the realisation of the danger we were in seized me.... If only I could have thrown myself down and lain still! But ten of my men were still on the other side. I felt bound to wait until the last one had come through. And they did not hurry themselves! How bitter I felt. All my senses were waking up again. I was annoyed with myself for exposing myself like this, but I could not prevent myself from doing so. I had got them all over at last! Guillaumin got his _poilus_ together for a new rush. "Advance!" Nobody dropped out; nobody, that is, except two poor lads who were killed on the spot. "At the gallop!" cried Judsi, who was once more pretending to be a horse. I signed to them to keep extended order. We ran along like that for about one hundred yards, almost without casualties, and then crowded all together behind a narrow tank. There was heavy firing for a few minutes; a relaxation for the nerves! Two hundred and fifty yards! At the edge of the wood! Fire! I had given my orders quite at random. Bouillon assured me emphatically that he could make out the peaked helmets. I, too, was firing madly, as an excuse for giving no more directions. I suddenly saw Henriot beside me; he shouted: "Cease firing!" And leaning towards me, said: "Steady on; you must husband your ammunition! And the show's over for to-day!" Over? It was only then that I noticed that the sun had just disappeared, that the night was falling. The engrossing struggle had robbed us of all idea of time. CHAPTER XII WE COLLECT OURSELVES "No! Call yourselves _poilus_!" Bouillon exclaimed.