lock, which would not close securely, and there was some question at
first whether they were not ghosts. I thought of tying the doorknob on
the inside of my room to my bedpost (a bedpost that has not been in
existence for fifty years), but after suffering awhile I decided to
speak to them from an upper window. By this time they had turned into a
trio of harmless, necessary tramps, and at my appeal to them absolutely
nonsensical as I now believe it to have been, to regard the peculiar
circumstances, whatever they were or were not, they did really get up
from the back porch where they were seated and go quietly away.
Burglars are not always so easily to be entreated. On one occasion, when
I found a party of them digging at the corner of my house on Concord
Avenue in Cambridge, and opened the window over them to expostulate, the
leader looked up at me in well-affected surprise. He lifted his hand,
with a twenty-dollar note in it, toward me, and said: "Oh! Can you
change me a twenty-dollar bill?" I expressed a polite regret that I had
not so much money about me, and then he said to the rest, "Go ahead,
boys," and they went on undermining my house. I do not know what came of
it all.
Of ghosts I have seldom dreamed, so far as I can remember; in fact, I
have never dreamed of the kind of ghosts that we are all more or less
afraid of, though I have dreamed rather often of the spirits of departed
friends. But I once dreamed of dying, and the reader, who has never died
yet, may be interested to know what it is like. According to this
experience of mine, which I do not claim is typical, it is like a fire
kindling in an air-tight stove with paper and shavings; the gathering
smoke and gases suddenly burst into flame and puff the door out, and all
is over.
I have not yet been led to execution for the many crimes I have
committed in my dreams, but I was once in the hands of a barber who
added to the shaving and shampooing business the art of removing his
customers' heads in treatment for headache. As I took my seat in his
chair I had some lingering doubts as to the effect of a treatment so
drastic, and I ventured to mention the case of a friend of mine, a
gentleman somewhat eminent in the law, who after several weeks was still
going about without his head. The barber did not attempt to refute my
position. He merely said: "Oh, well, he had such a very thick sort of a
head, anyway."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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