The night before, at the first intelligence of it, M. P. came nearer to
giving up the ghost than is commonly advisable. Suffocation seized him.
An incubus within was pushing his life-springs out. So can emotion and
an impaired digestion affect a father. The emotion was not caused by
grief. It was fear. For weeks, for months, during the tedium and terror
of the trial, his name, Paliser, would top the page! It had topped it
before, very often, but that was years ago. Then he had not cared. Then
the wine of youth still bubbled. No, he had not cared. But that was long
ago. Since then the wine of youth had gone, spilled in those orgies
which he had survived, yet, in the survival, abandoned more and more to
solitude and making him seek, what the solitary ever do seek,
inconspicuousness. For years he had courted obscurity as imbeciles court
fame. And now!
If only the boy had had the decency to die of pneumonia!
It was then the incubus gripped him. For a second he saw the visage,
infinitely consoling, that Death can display and possibly, but for an
immediate drug, there too would have echoed the _Terra addio_!
He was then in white velvet. A preparation of menthe, dripping from a
phial, spotted it green. He did not notice. At the moment the spasm had
him. Then as that clicked and passed, he looked in the expressionless
face of the butler who had told him.
The spasm had shaken him into a chair.
The room, an oblong, was furnished after a fashion of long ago. The
daised bed was ascended by low, wide steps. Beyond stood a table of
lapis-lazuli. A mantel of the same material was surmounted by a mirror
framed in jasper. Beneath the mirror, a fire burned dimly. The lights
too were dim. They were diffused by tall wax candles that stood shaded
in high gold sticks. On the table there were three of them.
The chair was near this table, at which M. P. had been occupied very
laboriously, in doing nothing, a task that he performed in preparation
for the bed, which was always ready for him, and for sleep, which seldom
was. There he had been told. It had shaken him to his feet, shaken
apoplexy at him and shaken him back in the chair.
Now, as he looked at the servant's wooden mask, for a moment he relived
an age, not a pleasant one either and of which this blow, had he known
it, was perhaps the karma. He did not know it. He knew nothing of karma.
None the less, with that curious intuition which the great crises
induce, he too divined the woman and wished to God that he had kept his
hands off, wished that he had not interfered and told Monty to put her
in a flat and be damned to her! It was she, he could have sworn it. At
once, precisely as he wished he had let her alone, he hoped and quite as
fervently that she had covered her tracks, that there would be no trial,
nothing but inept conjectures and that forgetfulness in which all
things, good and bad, lose their way.
The futility of wishing passed. The time for action had come. He
motioned. "Is Benny here?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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