Beggars -- Fiction; Love stories; Revenge -- Fiction; Women sculptors -- Fiction
"You love to attract men. And if you happen to hurt them, you think you
are a rotter. That isn't true. You're being pulled two ways. Art pulls
you one--the way you _think_ you want to go--and nature pulls you the
way you really want to go. Men attract you to a certain extent. I can
almost feel that--and you tire of them, and think it's because you
haven't got the capacity for really caring. That isn't true either. You
have infinite capacities for caring, but as yet you haven't been
attracted to the man you are really going to care for."
Barbara looked him straight in the eyes. "How do you know I haven't?"
He returned the look, as if doubting what he should say or do. Then he
drew a deep breath to steady himself.
"Perhaps you have. But I know very well that it is not the man you
think, at this moment. You are in the hunting stage, and you didn't know
it. Now that you do know--unless I am greatly mistaken--I think you will
try very hard not to hurt people, not to let them have wild dreams of
something doing in the future."
"But if I really think--"
"Then be secret until you _know_."
"And if everything that is me seems to be going out to a certain man--"
"Then be secret until it has really gone out to him."
"I don't know why I let you talk to me like this."
"There you go again," he said, and she bit her lips. "It is very awful
for me," he said, "to think that I have raised my voice in any criticism
or disparagement of you."
"Oh, it's all true, and it's all deserved."
"But you are like that. And all at the same time it's your greatest
strength and your greatest weakness, and for the right man, when he
comes along, it will be his greatest treasure.... I don't like to say
good-by. It comes hard."
"If I said, 'Don't say good-by,' would I be breaking the rules?"
"Yes," he said, "for I could never be the right man."
[Illustration: When Bubbles had trotted off, she dropped into her chair
and cried.]
"Not even if--"
"Not even if--and you will have forgotten any kindness that you felt for
me, while I am still wondering why the city is so empty, that once
seemed so full."
The tears sprang into Barbara's eyes. "Is there anything about me that
you don't know?" she asked bitterly.
"Oh, yes," he said.
"Do you know that if you asked me to marry you, I should say yes?"
"And I know that I am not going to ask you. There are two reasons. You
don't love me. And I do love you."
Her arms dropped limply to her sides.
"And it shall never be said of me," he said proudly, "that I dragged any
one down.... Will you promise me something?"
"If you care to trust me to keep promises or to do anything that's right
and honest."
"Only promise to keep your eyes in the boat. Don't help a poor dog of a
man into love with you. And don't help yourself into love with him. When
the right man comes along, he will _make_ you love him, and then you
will be sure."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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