London (England) -- Fiction; Man-woman relationships -- Fiction
He was looking vaguely round as he spoke to her, but suddenly his eyes
rested on Alice Lane sitting in a box with two other ladies and her
brother. She saw and recognized him at the same moment. He felt
uncomfortable; he did not mind who else saw him, but he would have
preferred not having been seen by her in Marian’s company; he knew that
she would understand the character of the woman he was with, even if she
did not already know her by sight and reputation. Though after all, why
should it worry him? Women did not seem to take any account of such
things nowadays. But it did annoy him, argue as he would, for he was
sure that Alice was not one of the many.
“Have you found some friends?” asked Marian, following the direction of
his eyes.
“Acquaintances. One always meets some one one knows here.”
The electric bells were ringing for the beginning of the next act, and
in the bustle made by men returning to their seats, and the striking up
of the orchestra, conversation dropped, though Marian scanned curiously
the calm, strong face of the woman in the box, who, instinct told her,
was the one who knew West.
He had made up his mind to put his fortune to the touch with Marian this
evening, feeling fairly certain from her manner toward him at dinner
that she liked him and would desert Maddison for him. He had decided to
take another flat for her, it not being his taste to keep his lady-bird
in a nest that another man had feathered. At any rate, no real harm
could come of the experiment; if she proved difficult or dull, a check
would cut him loose.
He watched the performance without interest. The sight of Alice Lane had
stirred something in him that had taken away his relish of Marian’s
company. He could not but compare the two. Alice so strong, so trusty,
such a good, true comrade. Marian pretty, bright, empty-hearted, ready
to sell herself to anyone who could assure her luxury and pleasure, or
even luxury alone. Then his thoughts ran on to his wife, a nonentity to
him. What a difference it would have made had he not married her, had he
really known Alice first, and been able to make her love him. There
would be no tiring of her, he knew. Or if Marian were Alice—there had
been such women, or scarcely exactly such, but rather women like Alice,
who counted the world’s opinion as nothing, and were ready and happy to
throw aside every other joy in life, in exchange for the men they loved.
But Alice was not like that, and did he love her? Of that he did not
feel so certain. He was very fond of her, but surely not in love, or he
would have missed her more than he had done. He felt rather that, if he
were free to love her, he could and would do so, would do so
passionately and forever. But she was not for him; it was sheer folly to
let his thoughts stray toward the impossible. The possible sat beside
him, and with that he must try to content himself; try to be content
with pretty make-believe instead of a beautiful reality.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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