London (England) -- Fiction; Man-woman relationships -- Fiction
when she pressed him he said he could not afford, his means not being
limitless. He did not add that at the moment it would have been more
correct to say that his income was by no means so large as the world
believed it to be, one or two speculations having turned out
considerable losses. He was not embarrassed as yet, but the next few
months would be full of anxiety, with another brilliant success or a
startling failure at the end of them. He had never before felt any
desire to share his business worries with anyone, had never, in fact,
had anyone with whom he was tempted to do so, but now to a certain
degree it irritated him to know that if he had desired to confide in
Agatha it would lead to no good result; the mere fact that she was not
his helpmeet made him wish for such an one.
Maddison parted with the Wests at Brighton Station, and having confided
his luggage and paraphernalia to the carrier who had driven in to meet
him, set forth on foot for Rottingdean. The air was crisper, fresher
here than it had been in London, and as he strode along the broad
pathway on the edge of the cliff, drinking in the salt breeze, he felt
that he would have been perfectly content had only Marian been by his
side.
Then his thoughts turned to the Wests. The man was strong and could take
care of himself, but he was sorry for Agatha. There was to him something
pathetic in her foolish, pretty helplessness, the pathos that there is
in a dumb beast’s futile efforts to understand a world that is beyond
his ken. He knew now that he could paint her portrait, not in the
jeering spirit he had intended, but so that he would show in the pretty
face the struggling of a soul unborn. Would it ever see the light of
life? Perhaps better not, he thought; souls suffer more keenly than mere
clay.
He paused when he had left the houses some way behind, and looked out
over the white-flecked sea, boundless, apparently, save for the distant
bank of mist that crept treacherously along; away to the right the dun
cloud of smoke over the town; behind him the rolling downs; to the left,
Rottingdean, nestling down in its cradle; and before him the
white-flecked sea. No living being in sight, yet thousands so near. He
felt lonely, and there swept over him a passionate longing for Marian,
to have her standing with her hand in his, looking out with him over the
white-flecked sea; they two together, what would it matter then if there
were no other living soul in the world? It took all his will to master
his impulse to retrace his steps, and to go straight back to town. Could
he endure the staying down here? Could he wait even the few days he had
promised to remain before going up to see her? Where was she at this
moment? What was she doing? Was she, perhaps, thinking of him?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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