London (England) -- Fiction; Man-woman relationships -- Fiction
“Now, Edward,” she said, “I know you do not expect me to say anything
except exactly what I believe to be true. I did not often see you and
Marian together, but I sometimes wondered if in your own strength you
did not sometimes fail to make allowances for her weakness.”
“I’ve tried to see my own faults. I’ve no doubt I am much to blame. But
does the knowledge of that help me now? It would help me if I could
bring Marian back to me—but it’s not that which has made me come to you
for advice. What am I to _do_? Am I to go down to Rottingdean, see
Marian and make another appeal to her? And if I do and if I fail—am I
to try again and again? To do that means that I should be neglecting my
work. Don’t you see?”
He then went on to tell her, what he had not yet mentioned, of the
horrible terror that had struck him when he found that God, as he
believed, was deaf to his prayers.
“Now,” he said—“now you understand all. Can you help me?”
“I don’t know. One thing I know we must do if we are to help her. We
must try to forget all about you and to put ourselves in her place as
far as we can. Strangely enough, I fancy perhaps I can do that better
than you could. I know you better than you know yourself and so can
possibly see you more as she sees you; then I’m a woman and so, though I
don’t know half as much about her as you do, it’s more than likely that
I understand her a great deal better. You say she changed greatly, after
you had been some time in town, from what she had been in the country?”
“Yes, yes; she seemed to me to become utterly different.”
“Just so. But of course she didn’t change at all—she only found
herself. She had been simply an artificial, vicarage-bred girl; she
became a woman. She never did anything very wrong at the vicarage—there
wasn’t any temptation. In town she picked up some of the fruit of the
tree and began to nibble at it and found it sweet. She never really
loved you—I’m sorry, but I must hurt you if I’m to help you—it wasn’t
till she came up here that she realized that she was a woman; she had no
love for you, no interest in the life you set before her, no faith; she
is young, beautiful, full of life and energy and strong emotions—so far
all’s simple enough. But what further? Is she really wicked or only a
sinner? If she’s really through and through bad, I know no power on
earth can help her or save her. If she’s only a sinner she will save
herself. At any rate what _can_ you do or say that you haven’t tried?
She knows you love her and would forgive her—I don’t see, Edward, what
can be gained by your going down to Rottingdean. I daresay you think I’m
talking hardly, but I’m not. I’m only being practical, and there’s no
reason I’ve ever heard of why one shouldn’t be truly religious at the
same time. God doesn’t love fools.”
“Perhaps that’s why He doesn’t love me.”
She did not answer, but for a moment a smile hovered at the corners of
her mouth.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account