The Physiology of Marriage, CompleteBalzac, Honoré de
General
The Physiology of Marriage, Complete
Balzac, Honoré de
Marriage -- Humor
“Yes, such is the ingratitude of woman! If there is any thing more
ungrateful than a king, it is a nation; but, sir, woman is more
ungrateful than either of them. A married woman treats us as the
citizens of a constitutional monarchy treat their king; every measure
has been taken to give these citizens a life of prosperity in a
prosperous country; the government has taken all the pains in the world
with its gendarmes, its churches, its ministry and all the paraphernalia
of its military forces, to prevent the people from dying of hunger, to
light the cities by gas at the expense of the citizens, to give warmth
to every one by means of the sun which shines at the forty-fifth degree
of latitude, and to forbid every one, excepting the tax-gatherers, to
ask for money; it has labored hard to give to all the main roads a more
or less substantial pavement--but none of these advantages of our fair
Utopia is appreciated! The citizens want something else. They are not
ashamed to demand the right of traveling over the roads at their own
will, and of being informed where that money given to the tax-gatherers
goes. And, finally, the monarch will soon be obliged, if we pay any
attention to the chatter of certain scribblers, to give to every
individual a share in the throne or to adopt certain revolutionary
ideas, which are mere Punch and Judy shows for the public, manipulated
by a band of self-styled patriots, riff-raff, always ready to sell their
conscience for a million francs, for an honest woman, or for a ducal
coronet.”
“But, monsieur,” I said, interrupting him, “while I perfectly agree with
you on this last point, the question remains, how will you escape giving
an answer to the just demands of your wife?”
“Sir” he replied, “I shall do--I shall answer as the government answers,
that is, those governments which are not so stupid as the opposition
would make out to their constituents. I shall begin by solemnly
interdicting any arrangement, by virtue of which my wife will be
declared entirely free. I fully recognize her right to go wherever it
seems good to her, to write to whom she chooses, and to receive letters,
the contents of which I do not know. My wife shall have all the rights
that belong to an English Parliament; I shall let her talk as much
as she likes, discuss and propose strong and energetic measures, but
without the power to put them into execution, and then after that--well,
we shall see!”
“By St. Joseph!” said I to myself, “Here is a man who understands the
science of marriage as well as I myself do. And then, you will see,
sir,” I answered aloud, in order to obtain from him the fullest
revelation of his experience; “you will see, some fine morning, that you
are as big a fool as the next man.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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