The Physiology of Marriage, CompleteBalzac, Honoré de
General
The Physiology of Marriage, Complete
Balzac, Honoré de
Marriage -- Humor
“How is it,” I said, interrupting him, “that you have hit upon those
admirable methods of deception which I was intending to describe in
a Meditation entitled _The Act of Putting Death into Life!_ Alas! I
thought I was the first man to discover that science. The epigrammatic
title was suggested to me by an account which a young doctor gave me of
an excellent composition of Crabbe, as yet unpublished. In this work,
the English poet has introduced a fantastic being called _Life in
Death_. This personage crosses the oceans of the world in pursuit of a
living skeleton called _Death in Life_--I recollect at the time very
few people, among the guests of a certain elegant translator of English
poetry, understood the mystic meaning of a fable as true as it was
fanciful. Myself alone, perhaps, as I sat buried in silence, thought of
the whole generations which as they were hurried along by life, passed
on their way without living. Before my eyes rose faces of women by the
million, by the myriad, all dead, all disappointed and shedding tears
of despair, as they looked back upon the lost moments of their ignorant
youth. In the distance I saw a playful Meditation rise to birth, I heard
the satanic laughter which ran through it, and now you doubtless are
about to kill it.--But come, tell me in confidence what means you have
discovered by which to assist a woman to squander the swift moments
during which her beauty is at its full flower and her desires at their
full strength.--Perhaps you have some stratagems, some clever devices,
to describe to me--”
The viscount began to laugh at this literary disappointment of mine, and
he said to me, with a self-satisfied air:
“My wife, like all the young people of our happy century, has been
accustomed, for three or four consecutive years, to press her fingers on
the keys of a piano, a long-suffering instrument. She has hammered out
Beethoven, warbled the airs of Rossini and run through the exercises of
Crammer. I had already taken pains to convince her of the excellence of
music; to attain this end, I have applauded her, I have listened without
yawning to the most tiresome sonatas in the world, and I have at last
consented to give her a box at the Bouffons. I have thus gained three
quiet evenings out of the seven which God has created in the week. I am
the mainstay of the music shops. At Paris there are drawing-rooms which
exactly resemble the musical snuff-boxes of Germany. They are a sort of
continuous orchestra to which I regularly go in search of that surfeit
of harmony which my wife calls a concert. But most part of the time my
wife keeps herself buried in her music-books--”
“But, my dear sir, do you not recognize the danger that lies in
cultivating in a woman a taste for singing, and allowing her to yield
to all the excitements of a sedentary life? It is only less dangerous to
make her feed on mutton and drink cold water.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account