The Physiology of Marriage, CompleteBalzac, Honoré de
General
The Physiology of Marriage, Complete
Balzac, Honoré de
Marriage -- Humor
Midnight is approaching as a young woman is putting on her curl
papers and yawning as she did so. I do not know whether her melancholy
proceeded from a headache, seated in the right or left lobe of her
brain, or whether she was passing through one of those seasons of
weariness during which all things appear black to us; but to see her
negligently putting up her hair for the night, to see her languidly
raising her leg to take off her garter, it seemed to me that she would
prefer to be drowned rather than to be denied the relief of plunging her
draggled life into the slumber that might restore it. At this instant,
I know not to what degree from the North Pole she stands, whether
at Spitzberg or in Greenland. Cold and indifferent she goes to bed
thinking, as Mistress Walter Shandy might have thought, that the morrow
would be a day of sickness, that her husband is coming home very late,
that the beaten eggs which she has just eaten were not sufficiently
sweetened, that she owes more than five hundred francs to her
dressmaker; in fine, thinking about everything which you may suppose
would occupy the mind of a tired woman. In the meanwhile arrives her
great lout of a husband, who, after some business meeting, has drunk
punch, with a consequent elation. He takes off his boots, leaves his
stockings on a lounge, his bootjack lies before the fireplace; and
wrapping his head up in a red silk handkerchief, without giving himself
the trouble to tuck in the corners, he fires off at his wife certain
interjectory phrases, those little marital endearments, which form
almost the whole conversation at those twilight hours, where drowsy
reason is no longer shining in this mechanism of ours. “What, in bed
already! It was devilish cold this evening! Why don’t you speak, my pet?
You’ve already rolled yourself up in bed, then! Ah! you are in the dumps
and pretend to be asleep!” These exclamations are mingled with yawns;
and after numberless little incidents which according to the usage of
each home vary this preface of the night, our friend flings himself into
his own bed with a heavy thud.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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