The Physiology of Marriage, CompleteBalzac, Honoré de
General
The Physiology of Marriage, Complete
Balzac, Honoré de
Marriage -- Humor
Filled with regret at having disdained so many charms, and frequently
tired of finding too often as much perfidiousness in priestesses of
Venus as in honest women, the husband sometimes hurries on by his
gallantry the hour of reconciliation desired of worthy people. The
aftermath of bliss is gathered even with greater pleasure, perhaps, than
the first crop. The Minotaur took your gold, he makes restoration in
diamonds. And really now seems the time to state a fact of the utmost
importance. A man may have a wife without possessing her. Like most
husbands you had hitherto received nothing from yours, and the powerful
intervention of the celibate was needed to make your union complete. How
shall we give a name to this miracle, perhaps the only one wrought upon
a patient during his absence? Alas, my brothers, we did not make Nature!
But how many other compensations, not less precious, are there, by
which the noble and generous soul of the young celibate may many a time
purchase his pardon! I recollect witnessing one of the most magnificent
acts of reparation which a lover should perform toward the husband he is
minotaurizing.
One warm evening in the summer of 1817, I saw entering one of the rooms
of Tortoni one of the two hundred young men whom we confidently style
our friends; he was in the full bloom of his modesty. A lovely woman,
dressed in perfect taste, and who had consented to enter one of the
cool parlors devoted to people of fashion, had stepped from an elegant
carriage which had stopped on the boulevard, and was approaching on foot
along the sidewalk. My young friend, the celibate, then appeared and
offered his arm to his queen, while the husband followed holding by the
hand two little boys, beautiful as cupids. The two lovers, more nimble
than the father of the family, reached in advance of him one of the
small rooms pointed out by the attendant. In crossing the vestibule
the husband knocked up against some dandy, who claimed that he had been
jostled. Then arose a quarrel, whose seriousness was betrayed by the
sharp tones of the altercation. The moment the dandy was about to make
a gesture unworthy of a self-respecting man, the celibate intervened,
seized the dandy by the arm, caught him off his guard, overcame and
threw him to the ground; it was magnificent. He had done the very thing
the aggressor was meditating, as he exclaimed:
“Monsieur!”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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